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Playing safer (2020)

I’ve recently participated in some online calls to talk about BDSM, and the returning question is how do I play “safe” so I can “surrender” – and yet again I realize that it’s one of the subjects I never really wrote about clearly. There are three different points I want to cover – pre-negotiated consent, the role of a shared fantasy, and the skill of on-the-fly consent.

While we are falling (2020)

To surrender is to fall.
To fall in trust, that we will be caught, by another, or by life.
We arch our spine out of balance, to where we lose control.
Backwards into the unknown. To the place that we can’t see.
We expose our heart, our neck, and our belly, as symbols of trust.
We are vulnerable, but yet strong.
We are suspended in time – forever falling.

What do you surrender? (2020)

So the question – when you create a power dynamic, or a polarity, what is it actually that you hand-over as the submissive person? I believe that surrender is like a seed you plant, and as it grows one hand over more and more of themselves. Each step of the growth process requires another kind of trust. If one finds themselves stuck and not being able to deepen the surrender, or if the submission feels more like an act then these ideas might prove helpful.

Four languages of power (2020)

These eight worldly conditions, monks, keep the world turning around, and the world turns around these eight worldly conditions. What eight? Gain and loss, fame and disrepute, praise and blame, pleasure and pain…

In search for awe (2020)

Awe is more complicated—awe as in both awful and awesome. At first, I thought about it as a thin line or a sweet-spot between awful and awesome. Now I realize that it is both at once. Where pain becomes pleasure and pleasure becomes pain, and I want and don’t want something at the same time. Where I no longer know how-to or can choose. It’s where I have to surrender or, metaphorically, die.

Playing with rituals (2020)

A ritual is a set of activities within a set of limitations that one perform repeatedly. The repetition explores what is possible within the frame, and eventually refines the ritual itself. A ceremony is different because it includes a cultural and often religious motive for performing the actions.

Non-verbal communication (2020)

We are in constant motion, either away or towards, a point of focus. In reality, there are hundreds of millions of points at any given time, but our consciousness scales it down for us, to a handful few that are relevant in the current situation – to make things more manageable. The points can be anything from a physical object, or a person, to a concept, idea, or behavior. And our relationship to these points defines us. They make us who we are. Therefore, we also show ourselves when we move away or towards something, and here a language is born. From time to time, we meet others, that are also relating to their set of focus points. Sometimes we share the same points, so we move together, in a sort of dance.

Pain and breathwork (2020)

Last week I was writing about BDSM and Bodywork, and now it’s time to zoom in deeper the relationship between pain and breath. First, I should start by defining breathwork. The nerve system governs our being. And depending on how our nerve system interpreted our current state, the body will react accordingly. For example, if we experience pain that we need to accept, endorphin is released. But if there is a pain that we need to fight, adrenaline is issued instead. The current chemical mix in the system will then significantly impact how we perceive the world. So the nerve system is both responsible for analyzing and altering the current state in a constant fluctuating manner.

Workshop: Intimacy of a pattern (2020)

Rope bondage is often taught as a pattern, and schooling traditionally starts with the upper body harness called the Gote, or Takata Kote. I can remember my first lessons almost fifteen years ago. It was the same back then, and I was thrilled to learn the patterns of Osada Steve. Make a knot here, friction there, pass the rope like this, and finally finish with a decoration. But something was often lost in the technicalities, that was the relationship to the person in the ropes, and the shared intimacy.