I was interview by the Swedish pod Relationsverket about embodiment, trust, and polarity in relationships.
Welcome to the weekly workshops on the theme of the in-between space. We will meet on Tuesdays between 19:00 and 22:00, and you are welcome to all or just one evening. It doesn’t matter if you are a beginner or a veteran as long as you are curious about the subject of the week.
Welcome to join the two upcoming rope study group of spring 2020. Themes for this season is Suspending with Andy and a repeat of the Tantric Rope Journey. The study groups are small and inmate with only four couples taking place in my home close to Skanstull (Stockholm/Sweden). This will be the sixth or seventh year and as reported by many participants before you will during four months find your own tranquil rope oasis far away from everyday life in my home.
“Show me how you are feeling right now.”
“I don’t want to.”
“Because I don’t want that to be the focus,” she tells me. “I already know my suffering, and I’m curious about you.”
I spontaneously offered a workshop on pressure points during the autumn edition of the European Riggers (and models) Exchange, and now in the aftermath, I want to share some notes and references. Maybe you will find it useful even if you didn’t participate in the workshop.
Being tied or topped is an act of vulnerability. It is evident because of the surrender of one’s body and mind.
As a top, you will encounter another kind of vulnerability. You will expose your perverted and socially-deviant desires. But usually, it doesn’t start there when first learning about bondage. The learning experience begins as a technical challenge and as a way to provide an experience. Later it can expand into being about desires of the top.
The more bondage and dominance you apply, the more space you get to express your desires, and the more responsible you get for how the scene unfolds. The bottom will witness and experience you. Unexpectedly many people love to feel the unmoderated desire of someone they trust. Of course, their encouraging reactions fuel for your actions. But ultimately, you are the doer, and this makes you vulnerable.
You will be the one tying people up and making them helpless.
You will be the one bringing out shame and humiliation in others.
You will be the one sexually ravaging like a predator.
All the things that we shouldn’t do in modern society. And for me, this becomes the significant challenge of showing vulnerability as the person tying.
Then you are most likely tensed in your body too.
Many session first-timers tell me that they are nervous. Usually, it was excitement that turned into nervousness as they approached the session. The bodily response to nervousness and enthusiasm are more or less the same. The heart rate rises, first sweat occurs, and the muscle starts to tense. Your nerve system is activated or aroused in biological terms. The interpretation of the experience happens later in your head — anyhow enough nerdiness about the biochemistry of the human body.
A recurring client suggested that I should offer a combined session, half massage and half rope. To first massage the body to help it relax and then use bondage to let the mind to surrender. So far, I’ve shared a cup of tea and some small talk with first-timers to help them land in the room, feel safe, and trust me. However, massage let you feel how my body interacts with your body, and that is closer to rope bondage than tea and small talk. Because ultimately a bodywork session is more a meeting between two bodies in motion, and two nerve systems that develop a non-verbal language together. Starting this way will help your nervousness and body tension to melt away.
We gave it a go, and it was a success. So now I offer the combo session for everyone.
I never wrote a text on bondage and sexuality, probably because I see them so obviously intertwined. Still, I meet many people that are confused about the topic. Why are we turned on by being tied up?
I think our relationship to suffering in everyday life is very harmful. Especially living in Sweden, that is protected from significant suffering for such a long time. Add the instant gratification culture of social media where we are being taught to receive only positive experiences instantly. Like like like. The result is that we are no longer geared to deal with hard and challenging experiences, and hence, we are not ready to suffer.