Traveling around teaching this summer I’ve been trying to answer this question in an clear way, and I still struggle. It has to do with deconstruction of ideas about desire, sexuality, gender, attraction, kinks, characters, and archetypes. To temporarily create a space to try something new without being judged. Innocence is an important ingredient. It’s about getting a group together. Physically in one place for a weekend. Sleeping, eating, and sauning together. And emotionally for playing together. So it’s up to us to find the right people and hold space for that process. And the result is often magical.
Bondage and beauty is for me closely related. Both on a philosophical and aesthetical level. I truly enjoy the japanese imagery of bondage which is often related to suffering and mortality. It is often referred to as Wabi-Sabi, which is sometimes translated to the beauty of imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete. A couple of years ago I wanted to learn about this. Many people said that only a japanese can truly understand Wabi-Sabi. But I wanted to try and here is my journey into the world of japanese aesthetics for those who want to follow in my footsteps.
In this workshop, you will learn how to use the ropes safely and successfully, to create a magic place where emotions can flow and a conscious play with power. You will learn to use ritualization to create your own magical place and negotiation of a consensual power dynamic.
People’s first reaction to Kinbaku is usually a surprisingly pleasurable encounter. They describe the ropes as extended arms in an embracing and bounding hug rather than restrictive. The communication between the person who ties and the person who gets tied is intimate and caring.
However, under this pleasurable surface there is an array of emotional and physical experiences that can be explored in depth – pleasure, pain, power, surrender, playfulness, stillness and intimacy.
In society today there is an imbalance that values power higher than surrender. The results are conflict and exhaustion in a non-consensual power dynamic. When done consensually letting go into surrender is peaceful and holding power is empowering, and together they create an intimate connection between two or more people.
To responsibly hold power and letting go into surrender are skills that can be taught and practiced. Experience how power dynamics can temporarily help you let go of perfectionism, control freakishness and decisiveness, and feel the empowerment and sensuality of surrender.
The best book I’ve read on the subject of trauma is by far Judith Hermans Trauma and Recovery – The Aftermath of Violence, From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror. In this writing I would like to reflect upon parts of the content from a BDSM and consent perspective.
This is a reflection upon how to relate to trauma and personal growth in the workshop space – written in Swedish.
One of the most common questions I get is about books. Here are three suggestions – the post in written Swedish.