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#the in-between space

What is found in-between sexuality and creativity? Celebration and meditation? A tribe and the egoistic self? Life is a theatre between reality and dreams. The room is a stage. People are performers and audiences in your existence. Our culture and norms are the rules of our drama. Our personalities are the masks we wear. And what happens when all this is temporary deconstructed? Leaving space for something new to emerge. A play without dire consequences. A co-creation from our subconscious dreams. A long lost desire. A utopian vision of the future. The answer is found together.

GRÄNSLANDET / SALONGEN

This project is described in Swedish because I’m experimenting with working in my native tongue.

Låt oss ta din hand… och gå ännu djupare in i Salongens värld. Vi ska inte gå så långt…

Bara runt hörnet, där vi är skyddade från blickar. Vi ska skapa en särskild plats med särskilda
regler och ritualer.

Vi vill att du ska med.

Även denna gång kommer allt vara likt och allt annorlunda.
Vi har undersökt Mötesplatser och Omstarter och närmat oss Brännpunkten och Vanmakt.

Denna gång kommer du bli en del av vårt Hov…

Tre nivåer: det Gudomliga, det Mänskliga, det Djuriska. Var känner du dig mest hemma…?

I den Gudomliga Aristokratin, där strikt hierarki och nyckfulla regler råder, där du måste både lyda och upprätthålla den strikt koreograferade ordningen…?

I det Djuriska, där inga regler gäller, där kroppar och impulser får fritt spelrum…?

Eller i det Mänskliga däremellan, där överenskommelser hålls, där du har kontroll och integritet men kanske lite färre överraskningar…

Det är helt upp dig om du vill blint hänge dig den Gudomliga aristokratins gränslösa makt, kasta dig in i den Djuriska massan där djungelns lag gäller eller upprätthålla illusionen av kontroll i den Mänskliga medelklassen däremellan.

Salongens Hov är ett experiment i samtycke, ett utforskande av ytterligheter och gråzonen där emellan, en undersökning där du är fri att göra dina egna val och dina egna erfarenheter.

Vad är du beredd at ge upp inne i Salongen?

Vilken plats i hierarkin kommer du förtjäna?

Vem är du villig att bli för att få ta del av makten?

Du behöver inte förstå allt just nu: Salongen börjar alltid med en gemensam workshop för att lära känna spelreglerna för den gemensamma fantasi vi underkastar oss och skapar tillsammans.

Du är kanske van med utlevelse, rör dig vant bland olika former av kink. Eller så är du någon som tycker om att uttrycka dig, med ord, med dans, med konst. Eller så har du ett begär som brinner inom dig, en nyfikenhet, en vilja att gå längre än ditt liv hittills tillåtit dig. Det är ok.

Vi vill att du ska vara med. Bli en av oss. Gå från ”du” och ”jag” till ”vi”…

Att hänge sig är enkelt och svårt, det kräver ett särskilt sorts mod. Att lyda reglerna, att vara där helt och hållet, i det långsamma, i det brutala, i det ömsinta, i makthierarkin, i vad nu kvällen leder dig till.

Ditt löfte till oss; att ge dig hän dig till rytmen, rörelsen och rummet.

Din möjlighet; att vara med och bygga vår community och vår kultur.

/Andy & Herzog, 20:e Mars 2023

En anonym teaterscen förvandlas till en social klubb där dans och teater möter kreativ sexualitet och kink.
Depraverade finsmakare,
välkomna till Salongen.

Stig in i salongen och stig in i en gemensam fantasi. En unik plats som återföds varje gång du besöker den. Ett rum med specifika möjligheter och skyldigheter.

Första budordet: Närvaro – Var fullkomligt här. Stäng av mobilen. Ingen film eller fotografi. Samtal om framtiden eller det förgångna är tabu.

#1 Kink

Andra budordet: Äkthet – Var tydlig med både begär och begränsningar. Undvik småprat – Ögonkontakt innan kroppskontakt. Kommunicera öppet attraktion och avvisningar. 

Du rör dig i salongen som både deltagare och publik. Du är en aspekt av dig själv – uppklädd eller nerklädd men inte utklädd. Tillsammans är vi rörelsen, musiken och mystiken.

Tredje budordet: Attityd – Våga vara mycket. Våga vara mer. Skapa en karaktär för dig själv som ger dig möjlighet att leka med sexuell läggning och uttryck.

#2 Kontraster

Fjärde budordet: Samspel – Sakta ned. Lyssna. Ha alltid ett öra för musiken och stämningen. Var medveten om grupperingar och rörelser. Öva tålamod. Visa hänsyn. Var inte personen som talar högst.

Utlevelse – anledningen till ditt besök och salongens syfte. Långsiktigt skapar vi en community och en kultur. 

Femte budordet: Hängivelse – Var redo att leka med makt. Dominans eller underkastelse. Ta kontroll och lämna bort den.

#3 Ordlöshet

Sjätte budordet: HumorVälkomna nya sätt att se på verkligheten. Utmana din självbild. Släpp taget. Le.

Sjunde budordet: Elegans – Kommer alldeles av sig självt om du följer salongens budord.

Icke förhandlingsbara regler.

1. Som besökare av salongen samskapar och underkastar du dig en gemensam fantasi.

2. Den här salongen har tre samtyckeszoner med olika regler. Det gudliga, mänskliga och djuriska. Du är ansvarig för att veta vilken samtyckeszone du väljer att stiga in i och vilka regler som gäller där.

3A. Den gudliga samtyckeszonen styrs av hierarkiska regler och ritualer. Dessa bestäms enhälligt av prinsessan, är sällan rättvisa och kan ändras närsomhelst. Du förtjänar din plats genom att bidra till hovets dekadens.

3B. Du kan lämna utlevnaden närsomhelst med något av de två stopporden (se separat regel), eller bli ombedd att lämna den gudliga samtyckeszonen om du inte sköter dig.

3C. Ditt värde i prinsessans hierarki markeras med sidenband i olika färger. Följ de som är över dig. Led de som är under dig. Och du förväntas hjälpa till att upprätthålla dessa regler.

4A. Den djuriska samtyckeszonen är motsatsen. Här finns inga förutbestämda regler. Inte heller några förutbestämda roller eller grupperingar. Du är en kropp bland många andra kroppar.

4B. I den djuriska samtyckeszonen är samtycke antaget tills något av de två stopporden används (se separat regel). Du kommer alltså inte bli tillfrågad först.

4C. Leksaker som piskor, bojor och rep är förbjudna i den djuriska samtyckeszonen. Du är en kropp. Ett djur.

5. Den mänskliga samtyckeszonen följer de klassiska salongen-reglerna; ögonkontakt, handkontakt, kroppskontakt. Här kan du ha dina privata sessioner i lugn och ro.

6. Salongen har en kärna; människor klädda i vitt som vägleder dig genom kvällen. Om du inte vill följa deras instruktioner är du välkommen att lämna salongen.

7. Säg inte “tack” eller “hejdå” när du lämnar salongen. Låt istället utlevnaden helt enkelt fortgå utan dig.

8. Salongen är en plats utan samtal. Behöver du prata så förflytta dig till loungen. Under utlevnad är orden självklart välkomna.

9. Salongen har två stoppord. Rött betyder något är fel, avsluta direkt och ta hand om varandra. ‘Jag ska bege mig på en resa…’ betyder jag är nöjd här och nu, avsluta sakta men säkert.

10. Salongen börjar alltid med en gemensam workshop för att rituellt öva och hedra dessa regler.

(Det finns en emotionell stödgrupp på plats. Kontakta dem om du har en oönskad upplevelse så hjälper de till med allt från en kram och lyssnade öra till medling och polisanmälan.)

Video från bakom kulisserna.

Nästa salongen sker den 22 april.

Plats: Stockholm innanför tullarna

Pris: 350kr eller volontärarbete

Storlek: max 120 besökare

19:00 Insläpp och mingel

20:00 Rituell workshop

20:30 Utlevad till sent

Salongen är en privat medlemsklubb.

Salongen är för närvarande full. Vi har ett faddersystem där existerande medlemmar har möjligheten att ta med sina partners, älskare och leksaker. Detta sker på initiativ av den existerande medlem som tar ansvar för den nye. Det betyder i praktiken att de går i god för att Salongen blir en bättre plats i och med den nya närvaron. Därefter kan de nya eventuellt erbjudas att bli medlemmar, om de trivdes med Salongen och Salongen trivdes tillbaka.

Att fiska efter en fadder är inte särskilt elegant och bryter därmed emot Salongens sjunde budord.

Salongens budord är baserad på playparty manualen från Schwelle7, som är skriven av Felix Ruckert. All grafik är skapad av Indigo.

Musings about #the in-between space

April 19, 2023

Trailer: Point of Surrender (2023)

The Point of Surrender is a fusion of tantra and BDSM, and we want you to come as a couple to the course. It does not have to be your life partner, you can bring a lover or a friend with whom you feel safe to explore both light and…
April 19, 2023
January 9, 2023

Death meditation, the experience of Hajnalka Indigo Wings

The voice says, “The next number is…” Then, a profound moment of quietness. An infinite second of certainty. It is going to be me. It is my turn. Now, it is my turn, and there is nothing I can do. I sit at that moment as it stretches into endlessness, and…
January 9, 2023
December 21, 2022

The Downfall of Horniness (2022)

So I think a key to dominance in a sadomasochistic play is being the one less needy for sex. Sometimes I joke that when meeting a new play partner, she will have to beg desperately on her knees before I would fuck her. And if the power more turns me…
December 21, 2022
December 14, 2022

Gallery: Point of Surrender Winter (2022)

Currently busy with my book project, there is something that I often think about—the relationship between surrender and connection. However, while writing, I realize that I dislike the term connection. It’s so vague. Instead, I think intimacy is the thing. Or maybe trust. The next Point of Surrender is in…
December 14, 2022
September 2, 2022

The cord that wasn’t cut (2022)

Playing with BDSM forges an emotional bond. And there is nothing strange in that. It’s even what many people keep looking for because they want to feel. And they want to belong. However, this connection might remain for a long time, like unfinished business. And therefore cause harm, hiccups and…
September 2, 2022
August 9, 2022

Being human (2022)

But what happens instead is some people burst into an explosion of silliness and start to play. They want to have fun dying. Others pull together, by a magnetical sexual force, in one last expression of intimacy and horniness. But most meditate, eye-gaze, slow dance, and cry in a hug….
August 9, 2022
July 26, 2022

Art of rejection (2022)

From the submissive side, there is relaxation when I accept that someone else controls my desire. And that they’ll clearly show me when something is wrong. The rejection doesn’t have to be loud and theatrical, but it can be subtle, maybe only understandable by the two souls involved in the…
July 26, 2022
July 18, 2022

Being fetish (2022)

Within psychology, the pathological definition of fetishism is having one’s sexual attraction tuned towards inanimate objects or body parts not traditionally viewed as sexual. Shoes and feet are typical examples. For it to actually be pathological, one must be unable to function sexually without the fetish. While, on the other…
July 18, 2022
July 6, 2022

How to say no without breaking a power dynamic? (2022)

Because when the hard no is spoken, it breaks something. It is supposed to; it’s the whole point. Sometimes I think about the difference between playing with sensations and power. When the feeling, rather than the meaning, of a spanking, is the goal. Then there is no dynamic to be…
July 6, 2022
June 17, 2022

Dedication to a play party (2022)

I have a nightmarish memory from the last SALONGEN. A man half-jumping around on his way home with one leg in his trousers while trying to say thank you and exchanging numbers with the other visitors. It’s so sad and selfish. His party was over; he was going home. By…
June 17, 2022
June 14, 2022

I am woman; on divinity and domination (2022)

Sometimes I joke that as a man, you need to prove your worth first and that you are not “one of them, the bad men”, and then a submissive woman might submit to you. However, as a woman, submissive men say that they are instantly willing to give anything as…
June 14, 2022
June 7, 2022

Aftercare, self-care and resilience (2022)

When things go wrong in an intimate or intense situation, it’s often constructive to deal with it directly. Things might hurt more than expected when one is vulnerable and the armour is off. Bad feelings can be like little monsters, at first completely harmless, but if it’s locked in behind…
June 7, 2022
May 5, 2022

Preparing to play (2022)

But in order for this to happen, one must make space. Living in northern Scandinavia, I love isolation, sauna and fasting. Isolation comes to me from the long winter nights. They make my world smaller and slower but also more focused. And they bring out the details in me, my…
May 5, 2022
April 22, 2022

Connection, cruelty and threesomes (2022)

The most important thing in my experience is the focal point of awareness. In psychology, it’s often referred to as the salience landscape-the thing that stands out right now in our understanding of the present moment. And when both people involved in the scene share the same landscape, they’ll experience…
April 22, 2022
April 18, 2022

Video: Have you seen surrender? (2022)

There is a poetic beauty in surrender. When the body, mind and soul let’s go. Some describe it as climbing a mountain. The struggle of clinging onto control. Doubting trust. Almost like a form of self-punishment. Until the peak is reached, and the possibility to jump presents itself. This is…
April 18, 2022
April 4, 2022

Playing another game, living another reality (2022)

It’s time to admit my shadows and leave my pleasure in the hands of others when I walk this path of sacrifice. I’m proud to exist for others, but know that I’m not unique. I’m an animal of desire. Help me, let go of this false pride, to be filled and emptied, over and over again. Finally, may…
April 4, 2022
March 16, 2022

The conscious kinkster prepares (2022)

Participating in these fantasies had a significant impact on my life. It always leaves me in awe. And it doesn’t require any special skills. All that is needed is presence, listening and vulnerability. Still, I think one must be ready. One of my favourite artists is Marina Abramović. If you…
March 16, 2022
February 19, 2022

Softly surrendered to this sensuous nature (2022)

There is a river just outside the village. The tide pushes its water in and out of the ocean in and out every day and every night. I love floating down that river, either being carried into the jungle or out to the sea while watching the stary night sky…
February 19, 2022
February 1, 2022

Workshop: Pleasure and… or pain (2022)

Welcome to this four-day retreat on the theme of pleasure and… or pain. BDSM and tantra offer different paths to ecstasy and away from the everyday mundane. By being a ritualistic framework, an intellectual toolbox, and a concrete practice with consent and consciousness at the core. At the same time,…
February 1, 2022
January 27, 2022

Repression and masculinity (2022)

Weber would gender this unknown as something feminine. Something for the wicked witches and divine goddesses. I think modern feminism has opened up this domain to men, and BDSM is a modality for it. An opportunity to let go of rationality and repression and practice being emotional and intuitive. Even…
January 27, 2022
December 27, 2021

Are you a slave or a slut? (2021)

People I meet in retreats and sessions have very different reasons to search for submission and surrender. There is almost always a search for permission to be someone other than their everyday selves. And this permission is found in the dominant. The roleplay, power dynamic, and polarity is an excuse…
December 27, 2021
December 9, 2021

The culture of GRÄNSLANDET // SALONGEN or how to invite others (2021)

I’m attempting over and over again to create my dream play party. Great people, live music, fantastic venue, these are obvious. But what comes next? I first encountered play parties at Schwelle7 in Berlin a decade ago. Then, it was called the aristocracy (noble court) of desire. The experience was…
December 9, 2021
December 6, 2021

On manliness and dominance (2021)

I’m reading a book about Max Weber called Love or Greatness by feminist philosopher Roslyn Wallach Bologh. She says that if Marx was the man who most clearly defined the economic interworking of patriarchal capitalism, then Weber defined the sociological counterpart. I’m still just beginning this reading adventure, but the…
December 6, 2021
November 30, 2021

Fear and disciplin (2021)

I often talk about insecurity as the step away from safety, away from the known and into the mystery. It’s the first tiny step, and I think it is the longing of many. If one continues on that journey comes maybe unease, anxiety, distress, fear, panic, and apathy. Most want…
November 30, 2021
November 10, 2021
jesus saves neon signage

Confessions from GRÄNSLANDET (2021)

When you enter an event like GRÄNSLANDET you never know where it’s going to take you. Everytime is different. Everytime you find something new in yourself. This time it took me deep into the realm of voyeurism and exibitionism. The evening was a reminder of how much we all need…
November 10, 2021
November 6, 2021

And I don’t want my play party to be safer than this (2021)

About a week ago, my interpretation of a play party resurfaced in Stockholm under the name GRÄNSLANDET / SALOGEN. The ambition is high. Once again, it’s a communal experience, where everyone simultaneously is affecting and being affected by the space—like a feedback loop. Everything is made here and now. And…
November 6, 2021
October 11, 2021

Behind the scenes of GRÄNSLANDET // SALONGEN (2021)

This weekly musing is for the nerds. Or the ones that are interested in creating play parties and sex-positive environments. I first ran the GRÄNSLANDET event five years ago, and it is the seed to the in-between space project. Now, during COVID-19, I got the time and energy to plan…
October 11, 2021
September 7, 2021

Serving and exhibitionism (2021)

Imagine the following. You arrive an hour before the dinner. You have already eaten, as instructed. But, instead of food, there is a leather neck corset half covering your face and a white linen apron for you this evening. Your task is organizing the shoes of the arriving guests, all…
September 7, 2021
August 31, 2021

The masochistic man (2021)

“When the devil possesses the sadist, the masochist sold his soul.” – Gilles Deleuze in Masochism: Coldness and Cruelty I think there is a vast difference between feminine and masculine submission and surrender. And it is, in my experience, somewhat disconnected from physical gender but instead influenced by what it means…
August 31, 2021
August 7, 2021

Attention, reaction and interaction in rituals (2021)

The tantra festival at Ängsbacka is over, and the echo of an emotional rollercoaster is all that remains. “Fest-I-Val” in Swedish is a “Party-Of-Choices”. We sing and dance, and we get high on the simple fact of being alive. So, in a way, it’s a celebration. And a place where…
August 7, 2021
July 12, 2021

What I think about when I think about sadomasochism (2021)

A white tantra guru, the kind that finds energetic bliss through meditation and mantras, once asked me about BDSM. The topic was surrender and submission, and why focus so much dedication on a humble human being when there is the great divine, god, and oneness. From a sadomasochistic perspective, I…
July 12, 2021
June 30, 2021

You are confusing love and obedience (2021)

“You are confusing love and obedience. You’ll obey me without loving me and without me loving you.” – Sir Stephan, in The Story of O When I write about submission, I write about dedicating oneself entirely to another—compared to surrender, which is a journey into oneself. But what is the source of…
June 30, 2021
June 20, 2021

Risk factors in kink (2021)

Kink is a balancing game between safety and bravery, but also between risk and intensity. Knowing what you and your partner bring to the balancing scale is a critical safety factor. And it’s hard to see what one is not aware of, the famous blind spot. So in this musing,…
June 20, 2021
June 11, 2021
gray scale photo of naked woman

Stories of our eros (2021)

From an incestuous fantasy to a beating daydream into a heroes journey; That’s a crazy connection, I think to myself while reading a summary of psychoanalytic view on masochism. There are many wild ideas about why people are attracted to sadomasochism, and the truth is that no one really knows,…
June 11, 2021
June 7, 2021
black smoke coming from fire

The rising feminine by Ricky van Meer (2021)

The feminine⸺in MALE and female bodies⸺is crying to be seen, to be felt, to be loved⸺crying to be FREE. The cry for freedom is not just an unhealthy masculine trait; deep below the surface of superficial erotic polarities, it is actually the feminine that is crying… To be recognized, to…
June 7, 2021
May 26, 2021

Consensual non-consent (2021)

I recently wrote a musing on consent as feeling together, and this week the follow-up question is, can I consent to not “using” consent? And what does it mean to “use” consent? I first encountered consensual non-consent in my early years of BDSM when living in Montreal. It was part…
May 26, 2021
May 6, 2021

Three polarities in kink and sexuality (2021)

I’m on a continuous journey to understand kink and sexuality. In this work, I dig around in various subcultures, philosophy, psychology, religion and spirituality to find models that explain why I and others behave as we do. The abbreviation BDSM(F) is one way that splits kinky sexuality into bondage, dominance-submission…
May 6, 2021
April 27, 2021

To consent is to feel together (2021)

When talking about consent, I often claim that trust is more important than consent. The modern usage of the word is to agree, often by defining the terms of the agreement. I’m okay with this, but not with that. The Swedish word we use is ‘samtycke’; ‘sam’ means together, and…
April 27, 2021
April 10, 2021

Common pitfalls when playing with pain (2021)

Pain is both personal and relational. Let me explain what I mean. It is personal because it is subjective. No one can ever feel your pain. They can empathically imagine your experience but never actually feel it. In this way, we are all utterly alone in the end. But it…
April 10, 2021
March 30, 2021

Playing with persona (2021)

Sometimes I wonder how my sessions and workshop are or can be a step on a personal development journey. BDSM and kink offer a safer place to pause and play outside everyday life, as I have written about many times before, for example, in this text. I often encourage my…
March 30, 2021
March 15, 2021

Interview: Creating Spaces. Where BDSM meets Art (2021)

In this episode, we talk about a project that is very dear to Andy: The amazing conscious kink event series “Salongen” (“The Parlour”) where BDSM and art meet. These play parties will be taking place in a theatre setting and are a co-production of Andy Buru and colleagues from…
March 15, 2021
March 7, 2021

Fucking to Wagner and Flirting with Mozart, on the book Deviant Opera (2021)

I recently finished the book Deviant Opera: Sex, Power, and Perversion on Stage by Axel Englund, a literature professor at Stockholm University. It examines the triangular relationship between opera, BDSM and non-consensual power games. I don’t know much about opera; I attended one classical opera in Venice fifteen years ago,…
March 7, 2021
February 16, 2021

Trailer: Point of Surrender (2021)

“It was quite a mind blowing 4 days. Remembering how apprehensive I was about taking the leap, as new as both me and my partner are to both BDSM and tantra, but now afterwards I am so grateful that we did. I think it was a life changing experience for…

February 16, 2021
January 30, 2021

When does BDSM become destructive? (2021)

I often face this question in my work, either from someone curious or from someone claiming to have the answer. Or from myself, asking was this really “good” after an intense session. Two common ways of answering it are consent and addiction, but I think neither of them is good…
January 30, 2021
January 26, 2021

When devotion is the only option (2021)

This weekly musing is a short follow up on my popular text What do you surrender. That in short describes a four-step model of what a submissive surrender to a dominate, and how it affects the trust required for the power dynamic to function. The steps are the physical body,…
January 26, 2021
January 5, 2021

Performative sexual spaces (2021)

I’m planning for a new monthly BDSM-club in Stockholm. The pandemic is giving me oceans of time to figure out what I want to bring into this world. My thoughts circles around performativity. Over and over again. So in this weekly musing, I want to write about performance in relationship…
January 5, 2021
December 25, 2020

Perverted pleasures (2020)

What does it mean to be perverted? Or maybe a better question, when does something become perverted. The word has a pretty negative feel to it, but why is that? In a way, it’s a word that I love, because it describes a feeling, or behaviour, rather than “a thing”….
December 25, 2020
December 10, 2020

Common pitfalls when playing with power (2020)

I just came back from Gothenburg, where I taught a workshop around the question – can BDSM be spiritual? As a way to introduce power play beyond bedroom bondage, spanking and 50 Shades of Grey. The key pillars where power, space and ritual. As most of the participants were new…
December 10, 2020
November 30, 2020

When no is not an option, in Japanese tea gardens and life (2020)

This weekly musing is a thought experiment on consent and the meaning of no. I write this as an invitation for contemplation on the grey zones of human interaction. If you are looking for a more concrete and practical first approach to consent in BDSM and tantra, then I recommend…
November 30, 2020
November 19, 2020

Insecurity and the privilege of not knowing (2020)

This week I want to share one of my most valued things in life. That is insecurity. Or the idea of not having to know. Or to be sure. And it is reflected everywhere. It is the fundamental pillar of my life philosophy. Maybe and maybe not, says the businessman…
November 19, 2020
October 28, 2020

Like the ocean (2020)

This week I want to attempt to write about BDSM from a more philosophical and symbolic perspective. I do this to reach deeper because I experience that a logical approach limits me. I want to start in the ocean, as a symbol of life and motion. The depths can swallow…
October 28, 2020
October 14, 2020

Video: Hear de lam’s a-cryin’ (2020)

I’m not sure why I made this video. The material is a few years old. The song is much older. Somehow they belong together. Somehow they display the beauty of ritual.
October 14, 2020
October 12, 2020

I have a dream / from ME to WE (2020)

I’m at the closing ceremony after a week-long gathering. We are sitting in a big circle, and the person on the microphone shouts out -Who is the most important person in your life? -ME ME ME! The crowd responses. I’m observing a play party behind my mask. I see intimate couples…
October 12, 2020
August 3, 2020

Trailer: Point of Surrender (2020)

Me and Lin at the Art of Love are creating this retreat for the second time. I like to see it in the perspective of an rite of passage. Where two people can come together and move through a series of exercise, subjects, and rituals to learn about their relationship…
August 3, 2020
July 19, 2020

Beyond the mask (2020)

This week I want to write about my most recent passions, that is the exploration of mask possession. I have for a very long time been collecting masks on my walls, but it is when they come to life that things start to become really interesting – because they give…
July 19, 2020
July 3, 2020

Workshop: Four elements play party (2020)

We welcome you to celebrate the peak of summer with a play party. Together we will form a circle of love, where you represents one of the elements – Fire – Water – Air – Earth – that you want to invite into your life. Fire is wild and raving….
July 3, 2020
June 29, 2020

The narcissist and the codependent (2020)

Carl Jung wrote: Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darkness’s of other people. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious. The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.
June 29, 2020
June 11, 2020

BDSM games for beginners (2020)

Are you curious about BDSM and looking for a way to get started with a partner, friend or lover? As you probably know, BDSM is an umbrella abbreviation for Bondage, Dominance, Submission, Sadism and Masochism, and it connects deeply to various tantric ideas about polarity, presence and vulnerability.
June 11, 2020
June 4, 2020

The leader hat and stop-button (2020)

In a BDSM-play, there is a leader hat worn by person suggesting the path forward. The ways available to pick from depends on the relationship between the dominant and the submissive. At first glance, it may look like the hat always sits with the dominant. However, the submissive often gets…
June 4, 2020
May 11, 2020

Playing safer (2020)

I’ve recently participated in some online calls to talk about BDSM, and the returning question is how do I play “safe” so I can “surrender” – and yet again I realize that it’s one of the subjects I never really wrote about clearly. There are three different points I…
May 11, 2020
April 29, 2020

What do you surrender? (2020)

So the question – when you create a power dynamic, or a polarity, what is it actually that you hand-over as the submissive person? I believe that surrender is like a seed you plant, and as it grows one hand over more and more of themselves. Each step of the…
April 29, 2020
April 25, 2020

Four languages of power (2020)

These eight worldly conditions, monks, keep the world turning around, and the world turns around these eight worldly conditions. What eight? Gain and loss, fame and disrepute, praise and blame, pleasure and pain…
April 25, 2020
April 17, 2020

Gallery: Point of Surrender (2020)

The amazing photographer and friend Cim Ek (www.cimek.se) took these picture at the retreat that me and Lin Lovely did during the autumn of 2019. Enjoy!
April 17, 2020
March 31, 2020

Playing with rituals (2020)

A ritual is a set of activities within a set of limitations that one perform repeatedly. The repetition explores what is possible within the frame, and eventually refines the ritual itself. A ceremony is different because it includes a cultural and often religious motive for performing the actions.
March 31, 2020
March 16, 2020

Non-verbal communication (2020)

We are in constant motion, either away or towards, a point of focus. In reality, there are hundreds of millions of points at any given time, but our consciousness scales it down for us, to a handful few that are relevant in the current situation – to make things more…
March 16, 2020
March 5, 2020

Pain and breathwork (2020)

Last week I was writing about BDSM and Bodywork, and now it’s time to zoom in deeper the relationship between pain and breath. First, I should start by defining breathwork. The nerve system governs our being. And depending on how our nerve system interpreted our current state, the body will…
March 5, 2020
February 25, 2020

BDSM and bodywork (2020)

What do BDSM and bodywork have in common? As a bodyworker, I learnt early on that the body carries a story. If a client has pain in their neck and shoulders, then the pain is merely an indicator of an underlying problem. For instance, the underlying reasons for neck and…
February 25, 2020
January 17, 2020

(s)Ecstatic Dance (2020)

I love ecstatic dance – no talking, only focusing on dance – but I also love dancing in contact with others to hot and grindy beats. That’s why I’m looking forward to exploring this concept in the spring with my friend Kasia.
January 17, 2020
January 8, 2020

Gallery: Rituals of BDSM (2020)

Sometimes I bring an artist to draw my events, it’s much better than a photographer, because we are acting out a fantasy and this is what they capture. Work by amazing Indigo.
January 8, 2020
December 7, 2019

Workshop: Mask magic // seven deadly sins (2019)

The making of a mask is a time consuming and tedious process. It requires deep introspective and intense focus. Therefore it stands in contrast to the modern life-style with instant gratification and competitive mentality. We want to celebrate this contrast and approach our mask-making as a three-day ritual where we…
December 7, 2019
November 16, 2019

Weekly workshops (2020)

Welcome to the weekly workshops on the theme of the in-between space. We will meet on Tuesdays between 19:00 and 22:00, and you are welcome to all or just one evening. It doesn’t matter if you are a beginner or a veteran as long as you are curious about the…
November 16, 2019
August 17, 2019

Zoom recording on surrender and submission (2019)

Coming back from the Ängsbacka Tantra Festival, I was asked to share some of the background on why and how to play with submission and surrender, both in the bedroom and in life in general. I believe that it is important to provide an entry point into BDSM for people…
August 17, 2019
July 23, 2019

The reason why we play (2019)

To answer this question, we need to start with a thought experiment. Say that you get offered to be turned into a vampire, would you do it? Truly think about it, would you? Can you know how it would feel to be a vampire? No. Can you compare how it feels…
July 23, 2019
June 30, 2019

Surrender vs. Submission (2019)

What is the difference between submission and surrender? I want to offer one explanation. Both are about letting go of control, and the difference is where you go instead. In surrender, you journey into yourself. In submission, you journey into the will of another. This makes surrender into an introspective experience,…
June 30, 2019
June 18, 2019

Workshop: A Journey to the In-Between Space (2019)

The most rewarding place to exist as a human being is in the In-Between Space. Away from dogmatic truths and polarizing doctrines. This place is so nourishing in a time of political extremism, and goal-oriented productivity, where consequences are dire and punishment is corporal. The In-Between Space is a place…
June 18, 2019
May 29, 2019

Why rituals and BDSM? (2019)

Because rituals are the perfect ship and BDSM is the perfect compass to sail into the subconscious. Now let me explain why I would want to do that.
May 29, 2019
May 26, 2019

Workshop: The Point of Surrender with Lin Holmquist (2019)

This is a retreat for couples who wants to explore surrender in their relationship. How do you relate to the topic surrender and what is surrender to you? Lin and Andy have investigated surrender, submission and dominance in many different areas of their private and professional lives. This retreat is a…
May 26, 2019
May 1, 2019

Workshop: Liquid body bound, with Saara Rei (2018)

This is a workshop about drooling that provides a frame for the participants to explore different situations for drooling. From drooling yourself and getting drooled on, to choreographing the drooling, and observing as a witness. Maybe you will find it erotic, or shameful. Perhaps empowering, or disgusting. Either way there…
May 1, 2019
April 23, 2019

Safer vs. braver spaces (2019)

I’ve for a long time been trying to define what happened to me during the years of Schwelle 7. And now ten years later I carry the fruits of Schwelle 7 forward in my own work with the in-between space. Now I realize that I’m personally more interested in a…
April 23, 2019
March 22, 2019

The story about a lone cowboy (2019)

Women often ask men to advise men on how to interact with women, but who am I to preach? I can share a story that I’ve seen re-enacted hundreds of times over the years. The story about a lone cowboy. It is heteronormative and exaggerated. Still, it carries an important…
March 22, 2019
March 3, 2019

Interview: About a Play Party (2019/DAN)

What is a Play Party? What is it? WHAT IS IT? This question is continuously asked. Here video interview in Danish with my beautiful and brave friend Lea Love. She is doing the organization and amazing food for the Play Parties in southern Sweden. Her answer to the question “What is…
March 3, 2019
January 26, 2019

Workshop: The rituals of BDSM (2019)

“Basically most of us will get turned on at night by the very same things that we will demonstrate against during the day.” –Esther Perel, the secret to desire in a long-term relationship Bondage, discipline, submission, sadism, and masochism are the pillars of BDSM. They are conscious taboos in our everyday life,…
January 26, 2019
January 14, 2019

Fredlig beröring och lekfullhet (2012/SWE)

Another writing early writing on playfullness and play parties from the early days, written in Swedish. “Let’s try a metaphor. Imagine a human being as an artichoke. The artichoke’s tough, spiny leaves are the innumerable shields we put up to defend that which is must tender and sought after – the…
January 14, 2019
January 14, 2019

Manifesto: We Are Play (2012/SWE)

We Are Play was one of my early projects to explore BDSM and sexuality in a playful way. I did together with my friend Denice. This was our manifesto written in Swedish.
January 14, 2019
January 14, 2019

Play party: BJUDNINGEN (2012/SWE)

Another of my early play parties on theme a decadent dinner, and what happens when hosts, guests, servants, and entertainers meet. The description is written in Swedish.
January 14, 2019
January 14, 2019

Play party: MAKT (2012/SWE)

One of my first play parties with the theme POWER, and our relationship to it. What will you do with the power, and what does the power do with you. The description in written in Swedish.
January 14, 2019
January 13, 2019

Play Party: GRÄNSLANDET (2015)

GRÄNSLANDET (the in-between space in Swedish) was a public play party that I organized twice during 2o15. My ambition was to explore the exhibtionism and voyeurism in erototism. The space offered around 20 miniatur stage defined by stage lighting in a dark space. To focus on the present experience, all…
January 13, 2019
January 3, 2019

Workshop: GRÄNSLANDET (2015/SWE)

This was an eight week long course that I made to teach the, for me, most important skills to have a interaction in a play space. It was ran three times during 2016 and 2017.
January 3, 2019
January 3, 2019

Workshop: The Play Party Retreat with Saara Rei (2017)

A play party is then a party where (in this case) adults come together to play. But how do we come together to play together? Answering this question for ourselves is what this retreat is all about. In this workshop, we will use techniques from theater, dance, BDSM, tantra, and…
January 3, 2019
January 2, 2019

What is a Play Party Retreat? (2018)

Traveling around teaching this summer I’ve been trying to answer this question in an clear way, and I still struggle. It has to do with deconstruction of ideas about desire, sexuality, gender, attraction, kinks, characters, and archetypes. To temporarily create a space to try something new without being judged. Innocence…
January 2, 2019
January 2, 2019

Video: Welcome to the in-between space (2018)

Last Sunday me, Saara Rei, Indigo9 and AK got together to make background videos for my new homepage. This gave birth to a lot of weird characters, so I had to cut it together and share it. Because it kind of reminds me of a Play Party Retreat.
January 2, 2019