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#the in-between space

What is found in-between sexuality and creativity? Celebration and meditation? A tribe and the egoistic self? Life is a theatre between reality and dreams. The room is a stage. People are performers and audiences in your existence. Our culture and norms are the rules of our drama. Our personalities are the masks we wear. And what happens when all this is temporary deconstructed? Leaving space for something new to emerge. A play without dire consequences. A co-creation from our subconscious dreams. A long lost desire. A utopian vision of the future. The answer is found together.

Musings about #the in-between space

July 12, 2021
A white tantra guru, the kind that finds energetic bliss through meditation and mantras, once asked me about BDSM. The topic was surrender and submission, and why focus so much dedication on a humble human being when there is the great divine, god, and oneness. From a sadomasochistic perspective, I…
July 12, 2021
June 30, 2021
“You are confusing love and obedience. You’ll obey me without loving me and without me loving you.” – Sir Stephan, in The Story of O When I write about submission, I write about dedicating oneself entirely to another—compared to surrender, which is a journey into oneself. But what is the…
June 30, 2021
June 20, 2021
Kink is a balancing game between safety and bravery, but also between risk and intensity. Knowing what you and your partner bring to the balancing scale is a critical safety factor. And it’s hard to see what one is not aware of, the famous blind spot. So in this musing,…
June 20, 2021
June 11, 2021
From an incestuous fantasy to a beating daydream into a heroes journey; That’s a crazy connection, I think to myself while reading a summary of psychoanalytic view on masochism. There are many wild ideas about why people are attracted to sadomasochism, and the truth is that no one really knows,…
June 11, 2021
June 7, 2021
The feminine⸺in MALE and female bodies⸺is crying to be seen, to be felt, to be loved⸺crying to be FREE. The cry for freedom is not just an unhealthy masculine trait; deep below the surface of superficial erotic polarities, it is actually the feminine that is crying… To be recognized, to…
June 7, 2021
May 26, 2021
I recently wrote a musing on consent as feeling together, and this week the follow-up question is, can I consent to not “using” consent? And what does it mean to “use” consent? I first encountered consensual non-consent in my early years of BDSM when living in Montreal. It was part…
May 26, 2021
May 6, 2021
I’m on a continuous journey to understand kink and sexuality. In this work, I dig around in various subcultures, philosophy, psychology, religion and spirituality to find models that explain why I and others behave as we do. The abbreviation BDSM(F) is one way that splits kinky sexuality into bondage, dominance-submission…
May 6, 2021
April 27, 2021
When talking about consent, I often claim that trust is more important than consent. The modern usage of the word is to agree, often by defining the terms of the agreement. I’m okay with this, but not with that. The Swedish word we use is ‘samtycke’; ‘sam’ means together, and…
April 27, 2021
April 10, 2021
Pain is both personal and relational. Let me explain what I mean. It is personal because it is subjective. No one can ever feel your pain. They can empathically imagine your experience but never actually feel it. In this way, we are all utterly alone in the end. But it…
April 10, 2021
March 30, 2021
Sometimes I wonder how my sessions and workshop are or can be a step on a personal development journey. BDSM and kink offer a safer place to pause and play outside everyday life, as I have written about many times before, for example, in this text. I often encourage my…
March 30, 2021
March 15, 2021
In this episode, we talk about a project that is very dear to Andy: The amazing conscious kink event series “Salongen” (“The Parlour”) where BDSM and art meet. These play parties will be taking place in a theatre setting and are a co-production of Andy Buru and colleagues from theatre…
March 15, 2021
March 7, 2021
I recently finished the book Deviant Opera: Sex, Power, and Perversion on Stage by Axel Englund, a literature professor at Stockholm University. It examines the triangular relationship between opera, BDSM and non-consensual power games. I don’t know much about opera; I attended one classical opera in Venice fifteen years ago,…
March 7, 2021
February 16, 2021
“It was quite a mind blowing 4 days. Remembering how apprehensive I was about taking the leap, as new as … Continue Reading Trailer: Point of Surrender (2021)
January 5, 2019
January 30, 2021
I often face this question in my work, either from someone curious or from someone claiming to have the answer. Or from myself, asking was this really “good” after an intense session. Two common ways of answering it are consent and addiction, but I think neither of them is good…
January 30, 2021
January 26, 2021
This weekly musing is a short follow up on my popular text What do you surrender. That in short describes a four-step model of what a submissive surrender to a dominate, and how it affects the trust required for the power dynamic to function. The steps are the physical body,…
January 26, 2021
January 5, 2021
I’m planning for a new monthly BDSM-club in Stockholm. The pandemic is giving me oceans of time to figure out what I want to bring into this world. My thoughts circles around performativity. Over and over again. So in this weekly musing, I want to write about performance in relationship…
January 5, 2021
December 25, 2020
What does it mean to be perverted? Or maybe a better question, when does something become perverted. The word has a pretty negative feel to it, but why is that? In a way, it’s a word that I love, because it describes a feeling, or behaviour, rather than “a thing”.…
December 25, 2020
December 10, 2020
I just came back from Gothenburg, where I taught a workshop around the question – can BDSM be spiritual? As a way to introduce power play beyond bedroom bondage, spanking and 50 Shades of Grey. The key pillars where power, space and ritual. As most of the participants were new…
December 10, 2020
November 30, 2020
This weekly musing is a thought experiment on consent and the meaning of no. I write this as an invitation for contemplation on the grey zones of human interaction. If you are looking for a more concrete and practical first approach to consent in BDSM and tantra, then I recommend…
November 30, 2020
November 19, 2020
This week I want to share one of my most valued things in life. That is insecurity. Or the idea of not having to know. Or to be sure. And it is reflected everywhere. It is the fundamental pillar of my life philosophy. Maybe and maybe not, says the businessman…
November 19, 2020
October 28, 2020
This week I want to attempt to write about BDSM from a more philosophical and symbolic perspective. I do this to reach deeper because I experience that a logical approach limits me. I want to start in the ocean, as a symbol of life and motion. The depths can swallow…
October 28, 2020
October 14, 2020
I’m not sure why I made this video. The material is a few years old. The song is much older. Somehow they belong together. Somehow they display the beauty of ritual.
October 14, 2020
October 12, 2020
I’m at the closing ceremony after a week-long gathering. We are sitting in a big circle, and the person on the microphone shouts out -Who is the most important person in your life? -ME ME ME! The crowd responses. I’m observing a play party behind my mask. I see intimate…
October 12, 2020
August 3, 2020
Me and Lin at the Art of Love are creating this retreat for the second time. I like to see it in the perspective of an rite of passage. Where two people can come together and move through a series of exercise, subjects, and rituals to learn about their relationship…
August 3, 2020
July 19, 2020
This week I want to write about my most recent passions, that is the exploration of mask possession. I have for a very long time been collecting masks on my walls, but it is when they come to life that things start to become really interesting – because they give…
July 19, 2020
July 3, 2020
We welcome you to celebrate the peak of summer with a play party. Together we will form a circle of love, where you represents one of the elements – Fire – Water – Air – Earth – that you want to invite into your life. Fire is wild and raving.…
July 3, 2020
June 29, 2020
Carl Jung wrote: Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darkness’s of other people. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious. The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.
June 29, 2020
June 11, 2020
Are you curious about BDSM and looking for a way to get started with a partner, friend or lover? As you probably know, BDSM is an umbrella abbreviation for Bondage, Dominance, Submission, Sadism and Masochism, and it connects deeply to various tantric ideas about polarity, presence and vulnerability.
June 11, 2020
June 4, 2020
In a BDSM-play, there is a leader hat worn by person suggesting the path forward. The ways available to pick from depends on the relationship between the dominant and the submissive. At first glance, it may look like the hat always sits with the dominant. However, the submissive often gets…
June 4, 2020
May 11, 2020
I’ve recently participated in some online calls to talk about BDSM, and the returning question is how do I play “safe” so I can “surrender” – and yet again I realize that it’s one of the subjects I never really wrote about clearly. There are three different points I want…
May 11, 2020
April 29, 2020
So the question – when you create a power dynamic, or a polarity, what is it actually that you hand-over as the submissive person? I believe that surrender is like a seed you plant, and as it grows one hand over more and more of themselves. Each step of the…
April 29, 2020
April 25, 2020
These eight worldly conditions, monks, keep the world turning around, and the world turns around these eight worldly conditions. What eight? Gain and loss, fame and disrepute, praise and blame, pleasure and pain…
April 25, 2020
April 22, 2020
This is not a ordinary experience. This is a edgy experiment based on our course, THE POINT OF SURRENDER, where we mix tantra and BDSM in a way that is both playfully and deep. Our retreat in April was postponed to October cause of the virus and many of our…
April 22, 2020
April 17, 2020
The amazing photographer and friend Cim Ek (www.cimek.se) took these picture at the retreat that me and Lin Lovely did during the autumn of 2019. Enjoy!
April 17, 2020
March 31, 2020
A ritual is a set of activities within a set of limitations that one perform repeatedly. The repetition explores what is possible within the frame, and eventually refines the ritual itself. A ceremony is different because it includes a cultural and often religious motive for performing the actions.
March 31, 2020
March 16, 2020
We are in constant motion, either away or towards, a point of focus. In reality, there are hundreds of millions of points at any given time, but our consciousness scales it down for us, to a handful few that are relevant in the current situation – to make things more…
March 16, 2020
March 5, 2020
Last week I was writing about BDSM and Bodywork, and now it’s time to zoom in deeper the relationship between pain and breath. First, I should start by defining breathwork. The nerve system governs our being. And depending on how our nerve system interpreted our current state, the body will…
March 5, 2020
February 25, 2020
What do BDSM and bodywork have in common? As a bodyworker, I learnt early on that the body carries a story. If a client has pain in their neck and shoulders, then the pain is merely an indicator of an underlying problem. For instance, the underlying reasons for neck and…
February 25, 2020
January 17, 2020
I love ecstatic dance – no talking, only focusing on dance – but I also love dancing in contact with others to hot and grindy beats. That’s why I’m looking forward to exploring this concept in the spring with my friend Kasia.
January 17, 2020
January 8, 2020
Sometimes I bring an artist to draw my events, it’s much better than a photographer, because we are acting out a fantasy and this is what they capture. Work by amazing Indigo.
January 8, 2020
December 7, 2019
The making of a mask is a time consuming and tedious process. It requires deep introspective and intense focus. Therefore it stands in contrast to the modern life-style with instant gratification and competitive mentality. We want to celebrate this contrast and approach our mask-making as a three-day ritual where we…
December 7, 2019
November 16, 2019
Welcome to the weekly workshops on the theme of the in-between space. We will meet on Tuesdays between 19:00 and 22:00, and you are welcome to all or just one evening. It doesn’t matter if you are a beginner or a veteran as long as you are curious about the…
November 16, 2019
August 17, 2019
Coming back from the Ängsbacka Tantra Festival, I was asked to share some of the background on why and how to play with submission and surrender, both in the bedroom and in life in general. I believe that it is important to provide an entry point into BDSM for people…
August 17, 2019
July 23, 2019
To answer this question, we need to start with a thought experiment. Say that you get offered to be turned into a vampire, would you do it? Truly think about it, would you? Can you know how it would feel to be a vampire? No. Can you compare how it…
July 23, 2019
June 30, 2019
What is the difference between submission and surrender? I want to offer one explanation. Both are about letting go of control, and the difference is where you go instead. In surrender, you journey into yourself. In submission, you journey into the will of another. This makes surrender into an introspective…
June 30, 2019
June 18, 2019
The most rewarding place to exist as a human being is in the In-Between Space. Away from dogmatic truths and polarizing doctrines. This place is so nourishing in a time of political extremism, and goal-oriented productivity, where consequences are dire and punishment is corporal. The In-Between Space is a place…
June 18, 2019
May 29, 2019
Because rituals are the perfect ship and BDSM is the perfect compass to sail into the subconscious. Now let me explain why I would want to do that.
May 29, 2019
May 26, 2019
This is a retreat for couples who wants to explore surrender in their relationship. How do you relate to the topic surrender and what is surrender to you? Lin and Andy have investigated surrender, submission and dominance in many different areas of their private and professional lives. This retreat is…
May 26, 2019
May 1, 2019
This is a workshop about drooling that provides a frame for the participants to explore different situations for drooling. From drooling yourself and getting drooled on, to choreographing the drooling, and observing as a witness. Maybe you will find it erotic, or shameful. Perhaps empowering, or disgusting. Either way there…
May 1, 2019
April 23, 2019
I’ve for a long time been trying to define what happened to me during the years of Schwelle 7. And now ten years later I carry the fruits of Schwelle 7 forward in my own work with the in-between space. Now I realize that I’m personally more interested in a…
April 23, 2019
March 22, 2019
Women often ask men to advise men on how to interact with women, but who am I to preach? I can share a story that I’ve seen re-enacted hundreds of times over the years. The story about a lone cowboy. It is heteronormative and exaggerated. Still, it carries an important…
March 22, 2019
March 3, 2019
What is a Play Party? What is it? WHAT IS IT? This question is continuously asked. Here video interview in Danish with my beautiful and brave friend Lea Love. She is doing the organization and amazing food for the Play Parties in southern Sweden. Her answer to the question “What…
March 3, 2019
January 26, 2019
“Basically most of us will get turned on at night by the very same things that we will demonstrate against during the day.” –Esther Perel, the secret to desire in a long-term relationship Bondage, discipline, submission, sadism, and masochism are the pillars of BDSM. They are conscious taboos in our…
January 26, 2019
January 14, 2019
Another writing early writing on playfullness and play parties from the early days, written in Swedish. “Let’s try a metaphor. Imagine a human being as an artichoke. The artichoke’s tough, spiny leaves are the innumerable shields we put up to defend that which is must tender and sought after -…
January 14, 2019
January 14, 2019
We Are Play was one of my early projects to explore BDSM and sexuality in a playful way. I did together with my friend Denice. This was our manifesto written in Swedish.
January 14, 2019
January 14, 2019
Another of my early play parties on theme a decadent dinner, and what happens when hosts, guests, servants, and entertainers meet. The description is written in Swedish.
January 14, 2019
January 14, 2019
One of my first play parties with the theme POWER, and our relationship to it. What will you do with the power, and what does the power do with you. The description in written in Swedish.
January 14, 2019
January 13, 2019
GRÄNSLANDET (the in-between space in Swedish) was a public play party that I organized twice during 2o15. My ambition was to explore the exhibtionism and voyeurism in erototism. The space offered around 20 miniatur stage defined by stage lighting in a dark space. To focus on the present experience, all…
January 13, 2019
January 3, 2019
This was an eight week long course that I made to teach the, for me, most important skills to have a interaction in a play space. It was ran three times during 2016 and 2017.
January 3, 2019
January 3, 2019
A play party is then a party where (in this case) adults come together to play. But how do we come together to play together? Answering this question for ourselves is what this retreat is all about. In this workshop, we will use techniques from theater, dance, BDSM, tantra, and…
January 3, 2019
January 2, 2019
Traveling around teaching this summer I’ve been trying to answer this question in an clear way, and I still struggle. It has to do with deconstruction of ideas about desire, sexuality, gender, attraction, kinks, characters, and archetypes. To temporarily create a space to try something new without being judged. Innocence…
January 2, 2019
January 2, 2019
Last Sunday me, Saara Rei, Indigo9 and AK got together to make background videos for my new homepage. This gave birth to a lot of weird characters, so I had to cut it together and share it. Because it kind of reminds me of a Play Party Retreat.
January 2, 2019