My private work with a client always starts with a single three-hour session. The experience contains conversation, tea, bodywork and integration. Most clients desire Japanese rope bondage as part of their bodywork, but the motivations always differ. Some have complicated traumatic demons to befriend; others long to let go and be held in a non-sexual intimacy; and finally, some bring a burning desire to explore their forbidden eros. Society today is built upon this weird unspoken agreement that intimacy and sexuality never mix. People often ask if I consider myself a sex worker, and my answer is no. I work with intimacy. That is what my clients long for. Sexuality is one of many ends to intimacy, but long before that end is trust, desire, surrender, ritual, submission, power, polarity, and the many other ingredients of eros.
My clients with a traumatic background often already went to talking therapy, and they intellectually know their story inside out. However, their body somehow still keeps the score like an ill-tuned alarm bell waiting to go off in the most inconvenient situations. Often related to men, intimacy and power. Making it impossible to intimately trust another or themselves for that sake. Other clients are the brave explorers with taboo dreams about domination, submission, pain and humiliation. But where to consciously go with these ashamed desires? A Tinder swipe-right one-night stand? Flirting with the dangerous-looking men at the all-night-open gas station? Or confessing it to their loved ones? Finally, I often meet the masculine woman stuck in a masculine world. She is empowered as fuck and fought harder than any man to successfully climb the hierarchies, but at the cost of forgetting how to surrender. Now she longs to reunite with the mysterious aspects of her eros rather than being forced to behave like a man in their unfair world.
What they all share in common is a longing for a safe enough space to be brave and focus on themselves without everything having such dire consequences. By paying me for a service, our interaction is clearly defined for them. That is, for me, the definition of the therapeutic relationship. And why I can never relate to a client privately afterwards because they would not know me as a private person. Seventy-five per cent of my clients are women, twenty per cent are couples, and five per cent are men. When my clients are happy, I offer a three-session package, with the third session for free. Finally, when ready, a handful of clients start the Initiation for the Submissive, which is a hundred-hour one-on-one program with three modules for the most dedicated. Also, from time to time, I’m given as a birthday present, as inspiration for an art piece, or the lottery prize at a bachelorette party; while a bit odd, this is also most welcomed.
What is next my dear unknown friend?
Frequently Asked Questions
Initiation for the Submissive
Are you ready? This is an exclusive hundred-hour program for the dedicated.
The Initiation for the Submissive is a very personal and unique experience, and many are shy to share about it in depth. However, when Valentina started the program in the autumn of 2021, she decided to be brave and let others follow along on her journey. Here is her recorded journal.
A professional initiation is 100% about you. There is no long-term love relationship that you have to care for, so we can focus completely on your experience. And there is no risk in you being too much or desiring your taboos. Your journey is split into three thirty-hour modules (beginner, intermediate and advanced) each containing three subjects with ‘a session’ at the centre and the necessary surrounding support structure.
Entering into this eroticised game of power is a ritual. The mind starts and ends the journey long before the sessions begin and continues long afterwards. Therefore, establishing your private practice to prepare for the time you spend with the dominant is essential. Inside the sessions, you, as the submissive, balance between letting go of your control and upholding your boundaries. Your alone time is different; it is 100% focused on you and what you need to submit and surrender. During the initiation, you will, step-by-step, with each subject, build a dedicated ritual for entering into the mindset of the submissive.
To integrate after the sessions, you will be given reading and writing assignments with each subject that reflects your personal journey. Between the sessions, we will meet at a cosy, secluded cafe at the centre of Stockholm to review your progress and discuss any questions that may arise. Integrating the knowledge gained into your everyday life is essential, whether it be in the competitive hierarchies at the office, the complex dynamics of family life, or the intimate relating with a loved one. Power and surrender are everywhere; during the initiation you’ll learn to bond to them in new ways that few knew were possible.
The Initiation for the Submissive hundred-hour program is for anyone (women, trans, non-binary, men) that identify as feminine and want to explore submission and surrender. Below you will find an overview of the subjects that we will cover.
Submission and surrender
Your first session is about the ritual of entering into submission and surrender to experience the difference between the two. You will learn how to take verbal and physical instructions from a dominant and be transparent with the emotions you feel as a submissive. The session also involves some light sensation play with both pain and pleasure. The symbolism of sadomasochism is another overall theme.
Non-verbal primal play
The second session focuses on body language, and non-verbal communication. How does your submissive body language change from the everyday expression? We will practice letting go of the mind and entering into a primal state of being, that is driven by the sensations of smell and taste. If submission is a symbol of the divine, then in this session you will be your animal, through the art of playing.
The final beginner session is a about passivity and receiving, without being able to give anything in return. Adding to this will be “comfortable” bondage and sensory deprivation, to guide the bodily sensations. Vulnerability and exposure is another overlaying theme, and an introduction to fetishism.
Ritual and shame
What does it mean to be “a slave”? What happens when you let go of your ego and your definition of “who you are” or “who you have to be”? These are the fundamental questions when we step deeper into the rituals of sadomasochism to explore the subject of shame. It is the perfect opportunity to find freedom in your taboos and desires and let go of sexual and bodily shame.
Pain and breathwork
Pain is almost always the first association when thinking about sadomasochism. Whips, clamps, wax, and much more. In this session, we will explore how pain becomes pleasurable by releasing of endorphins. You will learn breathing techniques and body movement to aid this process, and we will practice using body language to communicate the experienced intensity.
Restriction and endurance
This session is all about challenging rope bondage, or what is often called Semenawa in Japanese. You will get to experience the connection between surrender, suffering, and freedom. And maybe ask yourself the question, what is worth suffering for? On the more practical side, play with the difference between static challenges and predicaments.
Serving and exhibitionism
Who is witnessing your submission? And what happens when you shift the focus outside yourself? Is that the final shape of surrender? These are the questions for the last exploration of ritual. If you are brave, you can invite your friends or loved ones.
Discipline and fear play
Can pain that is not physically pleasurable be emotionally rewarding? And is actually pain, or the fear of pain? This session will focus on discipline and challenging your submission. You might be surprised, but that often makes the surrender deeper.
Edging and DENIAL
Some experience sexuality as the golden thread of sadomasochism on the most philosophical level. A session can be seen as the longest form of foreplay, as a constant discovery of new edges of arousal. What happens if you hand over the control of this, as a part of your surrender?