Three years ago, I began teaching on SHAME, focusing on the more emotional aspects of sadomasochism. Now it’s time for OBEDIENCE, with a focus on the more relational aspects.
Two dates are planned for the autumn: a four-day retreat in Estonia from 17–20 September, and a three-day city version in Vienna from 2–4 October. Events will be published soon.

Obedience is relational. It matters who deserves your obedience—who is allowed to train you and mould you according to their most debauched desires. There are techniques, philosophies, and rituals created solely to cultivate an obedience relationship: to a master or mistress, or to a god-like figurine. They are like the dark forest, where the sadomasochistic modalities of floggers, leather, and rope are merely the trees—too often hidden in plain sight. They are worship, prayer, chastity, confession, symbolic garments, sacrifice, and, perhaps, in rare cases, punishment.

What replaced religious and hierarchical mysticism in modern secular society? Colonialism, capitalism, communism, fascism? Art, culture, science? During this process, I argue that eroticism did—especially the esoteric kind. Eroticism and mysticism share the same paradoxes: ego dissolution, in giving yourself entirely to something larger, and ego realisation, in being seen, confirmed, and valued by that very same force. Both hold the belief that strength is born of vulnerability, through intimate surrender—submitting to something greater. But will a mere human being ever be enough?

Because obedience is relational, there is no reason to explore it within a single session. It is built over time. Therefore, you attend as part of a fixed dom–sub power dynamic duo, or perhaps trio. Your play will start long before you enter the venue, and might keep going even after you leave. So instead of stepping in and out, we will simply tune the intensity — from relaxed during meals, to focused during class, to high protocol during the nightly rituals and parties.

If you have trouble finding the perfect dom (at this period of life), you can also attend as a free-roaming sub — sometimes called unicorns — who might be adopted temporarily into an existing dynamic. Maybe you’ll become their perfect plaything, or towel holder, or simply be allowed to witness them in awe.

It’s probably obvious, but there are no free-roaming doms: if no one trusts you—or is curious enough to step into your world for a weekend—then you are simply not yet ready to play with another’s obedience.

If you are attending this workshop in obedience to a mistress, I recommend reading Venus in Furs by Leopold von Sacher-Masoch; if the deity on your pedestal is a master, then The Story of O by Pauline Réage. Both portray power dynamics that eventually erode and collapse in destructive ways. But, hopefully, I can teach you how to navigate with elegance, attitude, and grace in and out of these mysterious realms—or how to maintain the illusory play forever.

Through repetitive protocol and positive reinforcement, you will be shaped — and learn to crave the recognition of a childish gold-star sticker, perhaps even exchangeable for ice cream if you are lucky. You will worship every inch of your partner’s body or their shiny leather boots, and sleep peacefully chained to their bed. You will be horny and desperate for them. Praise and humiliation will become your new secret love language, as you are presented — in all your shame, pain and glory — as a beautiful, owned, obedient possession. And you will get to share this moment with others who might just be like you, in play parties and rites of passage.

Because God wouldn’t have made you so smart if he didn’t want you to learn obedience, right?

Or maybe this is not for you. And then you will know that for real — in a consensual, conscious, caring, and communicative space, with someone you deeply trust. So you can finally let go of those dreams of obedience.

(As the dom, you’ll simply learn how to own someone)

You can find more information under Group Processes.