Men’s Work
FATHER
WOUNDS
Absent and violent father figures are an all too common story among men before the queer generations, and it cuts deep into the brotherhood—causing both hurt inside and outside the self. Missing someone who was strict but just, adventurous but accountable, and unfiltered yet unconditionally loving comes with consequences. An older man who encouraged us to compete in sports, stand up for our rights and fight, and taught us to light the campfire to survive the night and thrive in the future. The same archetypical father is also asked to teach us the bravery in crying, admitting when we acted wrongly, and seeing other men as compassionate brothers rather than competitive rivals. It’s a lot to ask from a single person and often resulting in much to forgive.
The real stories may vary, but some of us ended up on a near-impossible quest for masculine love down in dark cruising basements, anonymous sauna clubs, and quick-and-dirty hookup apps—in a macho world where hypermasculinity rule supreme and eye contact and empathy are taboo. The intimacy is often violent and in the haze of chemicals, lacking all the four C’s of communication, consciousness, consent and care.
There are romantic fantasies of the old leather guard with daddy figures carrying young lost souls through the long dark night, giving them the love and care that their absent or violent fathers never could. But in my experience, that is a rare case in the meat markets of the neon night. The result is a lot of hurt and mistrust in male intimacy. While I can’t be the loving father that you might miss, nor am I the old-school leather guard you might dream of, I can give you the experience of dominance and submission—given from one man to another man. One that is empathic, slow and loving. And maybe, just maybe, I can show you another way of intimacy and help you restore trust in masculinity. I definitely won’t fuck you, but instead, initiate you into a multitude of sadomasochistic and esoteric expressions that intimacy may take.
“See sex is what people want,
but intimacy is what they need.”Rewritten rime by Ms. Lauren Hill
If these words speak true to you, congratulations, brave one. You have already taken your first step on this journey. The next would be to submit your inquiry below. And I look forward to inviting you into my world.
RICARDOS EXPERIENCE
At a tantra festival, I had the profound opportunity to engage in a private rope session with Andy. The fusion of Shibari bondage and his male dominant energy created a deeply transformative experience.
My journey through life has been marked by trauma, rooted in the emotional distance of my father, who struggled to live from his heart. At 59, I am still healing some wounds from both my parents. Power struggles have shaped my existence since childhood, compounded by experiences of sexual abuse.
The session with Andy was sacred—a two-hour exploration into the depths of energy and healing. Surrendering to the ropes and his loving presence allowed me to release blocked energy within my system. Andy’s dominant energy served as a mirror, reflecting the masculine force within me, which I could harness for alignment and balance.
Surrendering to him and the ropes felt like a profound act of surrender to life itself. In my chaotic, overstimulated body, Andy’s session brought an unprecedented sense of peace. The therapeutic potential of bondage, which I had not fully understood, became evident. My restless mind entered a state of deep meditation and silence.
Bondage, I discovered, has many layers. I am grateful that my first experience was with Andy. Feeling safe and held in a space with a man was incredibly healing. Although I identified as gay for a long time, I am now on an explorative journey with women and learning that I am, above all, an energetic being. I had never fully opened my heart to another man due to trauma. This session has been a significant contribution on my journey toward more spaciousness, wholeness and true safety in myself. It has inspired me to continue and explore this conscious BDSM path.
Thank you, Andy.
Ricardo Balkhoven Netherlands
SESSION STRUCTURE
These ritualistic sessions follow three acts; trust, surrender and submission.
I
In the trust act, I’ll teach you to trust in a dominant man again while listening to your inner voice, which already instinctively knows what you want. In other words, masterfully balancing the paradox of letting go of control while maintaining healthy boundaries. Rope bondage lends its gentle hand to guide you into the softer side of eros, where you can discover both vulnerability and bravery without losing the polarity with your master. Ultimately, you’ll learn that dominance can be gentle and loving, and submission can be nourishing.
II
In the surrender act, I’ll challenge you to see how deeply you can give up control while remaining entirely present with me without faking or disassociating. Using sensory deprivation, intense sensations and emotional predicaments, we will together find that vibrating edge where you are deeply surrendered while still remaining in communication with your master. In contrast to the first act, you’ll learn that intense and violent dominance doesn’t have to imply cold, distant or lacking empathy. But that violence without aggression is intimate, and the more intense things become, the stronger our connection must be.
III
Finally, in the submission act, if you realise that these sadomasochistic and esoteric adventures are more than just therapy for you, I’ll train you to become an elegant slave, my loyal dog, or simply a good boy. While you can’t remain mine forever, this will help you attract your future master and recognise whether he is strict yet just, adventurous yet accountable, and unfiltered yet unconditionally loving.
