A sadomasochistic scene is a story that unfolds into another world. We take off the uniforms of our everyday lives. Uniforms are given to us to indicate our place in the global hierarchy. To make us feel safe. In the story, we are allowed to be someone else. It’s often a parody that helps me cope with reality’s stupid power games. 

The main character of most of my sadomasochistic stories is the bound one. In that way, I’m very voyeuristic when I tie. I want to get to know every emotional corner of the bound protagonist. Preferably the ones hiding the deepest shame and taboo. My inspiration comes from Japanese eroticism, which often deals with the most perverted fantasies. There are schoolgirls, geishas, and secretaries captured by old perverted men or even evil spirits or malicious monstrosities. Bodies get unveiled of layers of silk fabric, pale skin echos in mirrors, and drool drips into half-empty sake cups.

Bringing a submissive into their own hidden corners of the eros requires them to be vulnerable by sharing their emotions and experience. Without this, I would have little material were the submissive stone-faced and revealing nothing. My love and presence must carry the one bound; otherwise, there is a high risk of things becoming destructive.

Being Allowed To Tell Her Story

Once in a Tokyo rope bar, an older man told me I must earn the trust to tell their story. The more intense I make my partner’s experience, the more ignored mine will be. It is both my curse and my reward, to be engulfed in this paradox. Maybe it is sad, but I think it has to be this way to go deep.

The sadomasochistic play tells a symbolic story between two real people. It can be as minimal as a single rope connecting the person tying and the person being tied. The experience is created by combining individual fantasies, akin to seeds in the subconscious mind waiting to be explored and nurtured. By physically acting out the stories of the subconscious, one can gain a deeper understanding of oneself.

The stories flow from a beginning to an end, but the journey is not linear and continuously adjusts to those who embark on it, as it reflects their nature. The same story is often told repeatedly, as the subconscious loves repetition. However, at some point, the momentum of the tale may diminish, and it may slowly fade away instead of attaining a particular endpoint.

Hence one day, when waking up, the dream is simply not there anymore. The lingering feeling is all that remains. When two paths converge and two people briefly share the same story, there is a genuine, intimate bond because they are no longer alone in their reveries.

Throughout my years of sadomasochistic play, I have encountered a handful of archetypal stories.

• The loss of innocence.
• The Madonna and the whore.
• The falling from power.
• The beauty and the beast.
• The punishment and redemption.
• The strangers falling in love.

When these archetypes plant their roots in the subconscious, they take on a life on their own. I recall a sailor who dreamt of dying. Wrapped in fabric, he was thrown off the ship, still alive. During his slow descent towards the seabed, to his grave to be, he was visited by mermaids, dolphins, and monstrous sea beasts. The sailor yearned to surrender to the ocean and to the vast unknown, to give himself up entirely. In this instance, the sailor’s descent from a position of power was symbolic of his struggle to retain his position, much like the ship battling the turbulent seas. Of course, the battle was not about his boat against the sea; it was the struggle of everyday life at sea, with prolonged periods away from family and navigating the hierarchical social dynamics of life at sea with no escape.

Stories From Japanese Cities And Seas

Similarly, there are recurring stories in Japanese rope bondage that I love. Immaculate geishas concealed beneath flawless kimonos personify the archetype of Madonna and the whore. A successful businesswoman adorned in a lavish suit represents a loss of power. Schoolgirls attired in uniforms embody innocence lost. In most of these stories, the person being tied is the object of fetish, worship, or the protagonist, while the person tying remains an anonymous and unchanging antagonist. The archetypal stories receiving the most attention are heteronormative both in Scandinavia and Japan – a helpless woman bound by a dangerous man. However, most of these tales also have their reverse versions, featuring male protagonists, but they are less frequently recounted, possibly due to their being more taboo.

I remember watching a femdom performance in an underground Tokyo adult theatre called Poo. One of Tokyo’s most famous professional mistresses was on stage announcing a competition for the men in the audience, most of whom hid behind sunglasses or newspapers in dark office suits, clutching small plastic bags of beer and rice snacks. Eventually, around twenty brave and eager men climbed onto the stage to be arranged in a proper straight line and ordered to take their shirts off. The first round of the competition was placing nipple clamps on themselves and whining pathetically, and if they didn’t do a good enough job, they got kicked off stage. During the second round, the men were paired up, and in each pair was a pig and a rider. The human pigs would race around the stage in circles with their companion on their back. Finally, the two winners lay down on the stage, exhausted, mouths wide open, and the famous mistress stood over them, peeing. While the rest of the audience watched in awe and hid from the splatter of golden drops behind the pages of yesterday’s news. I think male submission is more taboo than female in a heteronormative society, and that’s why such stories are less seen.

Bringing The Stories Back To Life

Giving life to these stories happens in three stages. To begin, the preparation stage involves nurturing a relationship with the symbolism of the subconscious through solo activities such as art, meditation, and daydreaming. This stage helps to cultivate an understanding of the stories that often live in our subconscious due to the busyness of everyday life. It is crucial to balance this stage with the others. Overindulging in the subconscious without playing may lead to fantasies that detach from reality, such as those experienced by closeted married kinksters. On the other hand, exclusively focusing on play without self-reflection can result in appearing shallow and uninteresting.

The second stage is the actual play, which occurs in partnership with another person. It is worth noting that the play is only a small portion of the overall process, taking up only a few hours.

Lastly, the processing stage involves reflecting on the experience and integrating it into one’s understanding of themselves and their relationship with their partner. This stage is also a solo activity, allowing time for internal reflection and emotional processing.

In summary, balancing preparation, play, and processing is essential when sharing these stories.

I try to remain gentle with my inner stories, and I allow them to live on inside of me, and from time to time, when possible, I try to bring them some of my time, love and attention. I think you should do the same.