The throat is another of my favourite human body parts, as it carries so much symbolism, essential anatomy, and capacity for pleasure. It is the ending of the spine and the separation between mind and body. With the blood, air, spine, vocal cord, nervous plexus and tongue passing through, it’s unsurprising that it’s often perceived with both fear and vulnerability as something that must be protected. And as something that can be claimed through enclosing it with a collar, choker, or lease. It is an old-school sadomasochistic symbol of owning and belonging. I remember a friend telling me that something clicked for her the moment she first put her dog on a leash. It was as if the puppy had been given its purpose in life, to be her dog and trade obedience and devotion for food and companionship. At first, there appeared to be a few moments of hesitation before the dog ‘gave itself’ to being owned. Since that day, they have been inseparable.

It’s hard to know what is the hen and egg in this situation. Did the throat become associated with vulnerability and ownership because of the collar, or was the collar’s placement chosen based on an already existing symbolism?

The Spine Moves And The Body Follows

The spine, or the cervical vertebrae, is the body’s central pillar that balances the head’s weight against the forces of gravity and motion. It turns, tilts, and bows to direct the visual attention and build the surrounding salience landscape. Therefore, guiding or bounding the head’s movement is directly related to one’s understanding of the world. 

In sadomasochistic play, there is this moment when one offers up their throat like a cat or dog trusting their owner and expressing submission. The vertebrates are glued together by this jelly-like, slow-moving and flexible material in between the discs, so that when motion pulls on one vertebra, the next follows in a chain reaction. The same can be said for the shoulders, hips, arms, legs, fingers and toes. One can direct the entire body through the spine by manipulating the throat. 

Each joint or connection point in this mechanical system supports a certain weight and pressure before the surrounding muscles start to protect, compensate, continue or block the motion. At the breaking point, there is both fear and surrender, where everything vibrates between the two. Where the whole being is highly attentive, ready to protect itself, either by following or tensing up, ie. by submitting or fighting.

Blood Is Life

Simultaneously the blood rushes through the arteries and supplies the brain with oxygen and the muscles with life force. Choking the flow makes the surrounding world hazy and slow. There are often feelings of euphoria and surrender, particularly when it is done consciously and consensually, when one feels safe. It’s one of the most common kinks or even THE kinky thing non-kinky people do without thinking much about it. A hand around the throat during sex to claim ownership. From time to time, there is a media hysteria about the dangers and judges it to be pornographic. It’s true that choking the blood flow is much more dangerous than blocking air temporarily. And yet it is also more subjectively pleasurable; that’s why people do it. A lack of air leads to panic rather than euphoria. Playing with blood flow is dangerous precisely because it’s nice.

It’s worth pointing out that going ‘all the way’ is rarely the goal, and that there are many steps along the way before the passing out stage. Instead, simply feeling heartbeats at the fingertips can be exhilarating—the flow of life in another being—entrusted with overseeing and manipulating that. Even the slightest rise in blood pressure or accelerated heart rate is interpreted as excitement and the body then tries to normalise blood pressure. There is a spike in awareness that slowly drifts off into pleasure. Compared to martial arts, when the goal is to choke someone out as quickly and efficiently as possible, sadomasochistic throat play is slow, often intending to stay on edge for as long as possible. It also gets blended in with acts of intimacy, like breathing together, staying in eye contact, or making love. Also, literally putting one’s life in the hands of another is a highly personal act of trust, surrender and submission, so treat it like that, with appropriate respect.

Blocking air flow through the throat is something I would never do and actively want to warn against because the windpipe is made of fragile cartilage that can collapse under pressure. Opening up a collapsed windpipe would require the ER of a hospital in time for the person’s need for their next breath of air. Very simply: do not ever attempt this. However, lightly touching the windpipe is fascinating because it is so thin that one can feel the vibrations of the vocal cord. Moans sighs, and thank you, sirs. In esoteric philosophies, there is an idea that blockages around the throat express themselves as the lack of expression in the world, like not daring to speak up and stand up for one’s truth. So grabbing, ever so lightly, the vocal cords control the ability to speak.

The Fragility Of Life

Next to the arteries and windpipe are the nerve and muscle plexuses. Primarily the sternocleidomastoid that connects the collarbone to the sternum and skull. It’s a muscle often filled with pressure points and tensions. Pinching this muscle while grabbing the throat can send anything from a shiver to a shock of warnings down the spine. Yet it’s long and strong enough to raise someone onto their tippy-toes. The throat therefore is at the same time both extremely sensitive and impressively strong. Learning to touch the throat is a superb way to express control and power—feeling the difference between muscles, bones, vertebras, arteries and cartilage. It is a display of knowledge and authority. It’s a little bit like tying the arms, hands and fingers and understanding how to adapt the rope bondage to the more fragile body parts. They feel more vulnerable because they are fragile and assert more power because that vulnerability is held. It’s a feedback loop worthy of being mastered, I believe.

Finally, the tongue, let’s not forget it. It stretches surprisingly deeply into the throat. Tying it with a string of leather, pulling it out and directing its movement affects the whole throat and, therefore, the spine, the limbs and the entire body. There is something animal-like about this—to interact with the world using the tongue. Licking is a sign of appreciation, drooling is a sign of excitement, and tasting is an exploration. The tongue is responsible for the first evaluations of what goes into the body and what doesn’t.

The main point I wish to emphasise here is to be highly conscious when grabbing someone by the throat. Approach with respect and appreciation for all of what it signifies, for its fragility and its strength. This can be a portal for it possibly becoming your favourite body part too!