These commandments first came to me through Felix Ruckert’s manual on how to behave in play. Later I started using them to frame my rituals. I find it so beautiful that he expressed them as commandments because they represent something both difficult to adhere to and also divine. As well as something worth striving for. Commandments are different from rules, as rules must be enforced by violence or vigilance to have value. Therefore rules must be precise to allow fair evaluation. Above them, but still below commandments, is culture. Culture is socially governed and enforced internally by shame and externally by hierarchical structures. As I described in the first paradox, the ultimate punishment is being exiled from the group when the individual strays too far. But above all, the commandments describe a belief system. Beliefs are the opposite of knowing, as they require trust in the unknown. So whenever I present these commandments that Felix wrote, I ask my participants to believe in me as a proxy of a tradition I’m attempting to pass on. Ultimately people must believe that their rituals will be better if they aspire to act by these commandments.
The seven commandments are: presence, authenticity, attitude, modesty, devotion, humour and elegance. Over the years, I’ve tried to play with the words and how to describe their meaning. They have also been translated back and forth between English, Swedish, German, Portuguese, and Estonian, each time slightly adapting to how different cultures perceive their meaning. Below is the version that I feel most attached to at the moment.
First commandment: Presence – Be entirely here. Turn off the mobile – no filming or photos. Conversations about the future or the past are taboo.
Second Commandment: Authenticity – Be clear about both desires and boundaries. Avoid small talk. Make eye contact before body contact. Communicate both attraction and rejection openly.
The third commandment: Attitude – Dare to be too much. Dare to be even more. Create a character for yourself that allows you to play with sexual expression. Celebrate this bravery together with others.
Fourth commandment: Modesty – Slow down. Listen. Always have an ear for the rhythm and the atmosphere. Never be the person speaking the loudest. Appreciate the constellations that form and dissolve—practice patience. Show consideration.
Fifth Commandment: Devotion – Be ready to play with power: dominance or submission. Take control and leave it. Appreciate letting go of the burdens and privileges of everyday life. Submit to a communal fantasy.
Sixth Commandment: Humor – Welcome new ways of looking at reality. Challenge your self-image. Let go. Smile. Or cry…
Seventh commandment: Elegance – Arises naturally when you follow the previous commandments…
The commandments stand proudly by their own values, but together, they create something bigger. They tell a living story oscillating between extremes.
Everything begins in presence, allowing oneself to explore the mystery ahead from here and now. Out of the stillness and observation of presence comes authenticity as a motion. There must be clarity in what I want and don’t want. That sense of direction culminates in attitude—allowing myself to become someone and build something inside the mystery. Without attitude, things won’t last. Here the waves turn towards modesty. Back to listening from expression. Once I return to presence with authenticity and attitude, I may devote myself—devotion to something meaningful, worthy of my suffering. Then the world flips again like a giant pancake because life can’t be too serious. It explodes in absurdity, diversity and laughter. Humour is a celebration. However, even if I am able to hold these expressions of play inside myself, in how I show up in the world, elegance can be elusive, it’s a shy beast. It emerges when everything else is in place.
