acknowledgements
Voices from people talking about my work
Isabella and Mini / Therapy
Hajni and Candice / Death
Valentina and Virgine / Submission
Music recorded in my local church
Johanna Swartling / Guitar
Chrichan Larson / Cello
Video clips from various projects
Umut Vedat / umutvedat.com
Zor Neurobashing / eroteric.com
Ana González / eyerisefilms.com
Frederick Bernas / eyerisefilms.com
kinkwave.mp4
Timmy Gustafsson
Editing
Andrea Yoko / andreayoko.com
1.
Mini: You have your own freedom, you own your own freedom. So instead of feeling that someone is taking your freedom from you, you are feeling that you are giving your freedom to someone. And then taking it back again.
Candice: I gazed into a sunflower for 25 minutes and cried at how many times I had seen a sunflower but how little I had ever noticed.
Isabella: And then I run through life, carrying this. And that is what trauma is. It is not a thought. It’s a reaction that keeps repeating.
2.
Hajni: I take in the room full of people waiting for death. There is a soft calmness and serenity.
Virgine: You can stand and walk in the circle in absolute silence.
Hajni: I want love before I die.
Virgine: People ravish each other, people give love to each other. There is a lot of beauty and violence at once. There is immense love and trust.
Valentina: I quickly took such rare images away to be repressed or forgotten because they seemed to me vulgar and unethical. What a mistake.
3.
Hajni: Then, a profound moment of quietness. An infinite second of certainty. It is going to be me. It is my turn. Now, it is my turn, and there is nothing I can do. I sit at that moment as it stretches into endlessness, and I feel everything. I feel at peace. I feel happy. I feel excited. I feel sad, curious and hopeful.
Valentina: The delight of obeying. Trembling with so much pleasure. His pleasure is almost a form of sweet hallucination. Hot and aromatic like an oriental tea. Learning how to please by not rushing. Just being.
4.
Isabella: It’s an agreement to be able to be close to someone, but you have agreed that there is not going to be any sexuality. I can explore this ocean of feelings and reactions, I can be safe.
Virgine: And everyone will watch in absolute silence.
Candice: So I left the moment with no goodbye. And this is how it is. And how death can be. Of any kind. Your lover has kissed you for the last time. Your story is over. No more sunflowers. To appreciate or not appreciate, however you choose it.
Virgine: And I told him, you bring out the worst of human beings in the most beautiful way.
This showreel is a compilation of ten years of work. The voices are witness statements from people attending my workshops over the years. I picked and remixed them into this poem. The music was recorded in a church in Stockholm with two friends of mine. And the video segments are collected from various projects I’ve participated in, from music videos to documentaries to art projects and online education materials. I aimed to portray my work’s more dream-like and poetic qualities rather than the rational. And I hope that the rest of my webpage can further introduce what I do.
And then I run through life, carrying this. And that is what trauma is. It is not a thought. It’s a reaction that keeps repeating.
People ravish each other, people give love to each other. There is a lot of beauty and violence at once. There is immense love and trust.
Then, a profound moment of quietness. An infinite second of certainty. It is going to be me. It is my turn. Now, it is my turn, and there is nothing I can do.
Trembling with so much pleasure. His pleasure is almost a form of sweet hallucination. Hot and aromatic like an oriental tea. Learning how to please by not rushing. Just being.
And I told him, you bring out the worst of human beings in the most beautiful way.
Trembling with so much pleasure. His pleasure is almost a form of sweet hallucination. Hot and aromatic like an oriental tea. Learning how to please by not rushing. Just being.
And I told him, you bring out the worst of human beings in the most beautiful way.
My present work aims to create magical rooms where people can rest, heal and grow in their relationships to surrender, power and desire. I move between art and therapy. In the arts, I venture for the maximum risk I can afford in the present to challenge the status quo. Therapy is the opposite by being the safest possible road leading to things known to restore balance and goodness. Both require a special kind of bravery.
Many of my clients have experienced abuse of power, often sexually or socially, resulting in an ever-controlling attitude towards life with no room for surrender. They often feel simultaneously ashamed and attracted to their desires. While I don’t believe in cathartic releases, I rather offer slowly befriending a new, more functional and exciting reality. Intimately learning to ride the demons that once hunted, so to speak.
At the most basic level, I work with bodies. In the present moment. Inviting them to participate in a new experience that may transcend into the spiritual. My modalities include conscious and consensual sadomasochism, esoteric eroticism, Japanese rope bondage, European theatre studies, medical massage therapy, and neuro-somatic teamwork, each representing an important period of my life. But most importantly, I believe in dedication to ‘the way’. The way of being. In Japanese, it is dō. Over the years, I’ve studied sado, the way of tea; kado, the way of flowers; and aikido, the way of directing energy while in motion. It’s the same way walked in the many Eastern mystery schools. But don’t worry, my dear unknown friend, it’s fundamentally ritual and practical, and you probably won’t notice unless you want to.
I left my ordinary career about ten years ago to walk a simpler life. Now I travel based on an agenda curated by a handful of lovely retreat organisers around Europe and a demanding make-believe family in the Japanese countryside. In between travels, I’m available for sessions and initiations in Stockholm and Berlin. I avoid working online, so please don’t ask unless you intend to see my face. Currently, my face can be found on the following occasions in the order of occurrence.
CONTACT
FOLLOW
SUBSCRIBE
Men’s Work
FATHER
WOUNDS
Absent and violent father figures are an all too common story among men before the queer generations, and it cuts deep into the brotherhood—causing both hurt inside and outside the self. Missing someone who was strict but just, adventurous but accountable, and unfiltered yet unconditionally loving comes with consequences. An older man who encouraged us to compete in sports, stand up for our rights and fight, and taught us to light the campfire to survive the night and thrive in the future. The same archetypical father is also asked to teach us the bravery in crying, admitting when we acted wrongly, and seeing other men as compassionate brothers rather than competitive rivals. It’s a lot to ask from a single person and often resulting in much to forgive.
LOVING MAN-TO-MAN DOMINATION
The real stories may vary, but some of us ended up on a near-impossible quest for masculine love down in dark cruising basements, anonymous sauna clubs, and quick-and-dirty hookup apps—in a macho world where hypermasculinity rule supreme and eye contact and empathy are taboo. The intimacy is often violent and in the haze of chemicals, lacking all the four C’s of communication, consciousness, consent and care.
There are romantic fantasies of the old leather guard with daddy figures carrying young lost souls through the long dark night, giving them the love and care that their absent or violent fathers never could. But in my experience, that is a rare case in the meat markets of the neon night. The result is a lot of hurt and mistrust in male intimacy. While I can’t be the loving father that you might miss, nor am I the old-school leather guard you might dream of, I can give you the experience of dominance and submission—given from one man to another man. One that is empathic, slow and loving. And maybe, just maybe, I can show you another way of intimacy and help you restore trust in masculinity. I definitely won’t fuck you, but instead, initiate you into a multitude of sadomasochistic and esoteric expressions that intimacy may take.
“See sex is what people want,
but intimacy is what they need.”Rewritten rime by Ms. Lauren Hill
If these words speak true to you, congratulations, brave one. You have already taken your first step on this journey. The next would be to submit your inquiry below. And I look forward to inviting you into my world.
RICARDOS EXPERIENCE
At a tantra festival, I had the profound opportunity to engage in a private rope session with Andy. The fusion of Shibari bondage and his male dominant energy created a deeply transformative experience.
My journey through life has been marked by trauma, rooted in the emotional distance of my father, who struggled to live from his heart. At 59, I am still healing some wounds from both my parents. Power struggles have shaped my existence since childhood, compounded by experiences of sexual abuse.
The session with Andy was sacred—a two-hour exploration into the depths of energy and healing. Surrendering to the ropes and his loving presence allowed me to release blocked energy within my system. Andy’s dominant energy served as a mirror, reflecting the masculine force within me, which I could harness for alignment and balance.
Surrendering to him and the ropes felt like a profound act of surrender to life itself. In my chaotic, overstimulated body, Andy’s session brought an unprecedented sense of peace. The therapeutic potential of bondage, which I had not fully understood, became evident. My restless mind entered a state of deep meditation and silence.
Bondage, I discovered, has many layers. I am grateful that my first experience was with Andy. Feeling safe and held in a space with a man was incredibly healing. Although I identified as gay for a long time, I am now on an explorative journey with women and learning that I am, above all, an energetic being. I had never fully opened my heart to another man due to trauma. This session has been a significant contribution on my journey toward more spaciousness, wholeness and true safety in myself. It has inspired me to continue and explore this conscious BDSM path.
Thank you, Andy.
Ricardo Balkhoven Netherlands
SESSION STRUCTURE
These ritualistic sessions follow three acts; trust, surrender and submission.
I
In the trust act, I’ll teach you to trust in a dominant man again while listening to your inner voice, which already instinctively knows what you want. In other words, masterfully balancing the paradox of letting go of control while maintaining healthy boundaries. Rope bondage lends its gentle hand to guide you into the softer side of eros, where you can discover both vulnerability and bravery without losing the polarity with your master. Ultimately, you’ll learn that dominance can be gentle and loving, and submission can be nourishing.
II
In the surrender act, I’ll challenge you to see how deeply you can give up control while remaining entirely present with me without faking or disassociating. Using sensory deprivation, intense sensations and emotional predicaments, we will together find that vibrating edge where you are deeply surrendered while still remaining in communication with your master. In contrast to the first act, you’ll learn that intense and violent dominance doesn’t have to imply cold, distant or lacking empathy. But that violence without aggression is intimate, and the more intense things become, the stronger our connection must be.
III
Finally, in the submission act, if you realise that these sadomasochistic and esoteric adventures are more than just therapy for you, I’ll train you to become an elegant slave, my loyal dog, or simply a good boy. While you can’t remain mine forever, this will help you attract your future master and recognise whether he is strict yet just, adventurous yet accountable, and unfiltered yet unconditionally loving.
APPLY FOR A SESSION
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Book / Podcast
Rituals and
Paradoxes
This book and podcast is an adult-rated linear but non-chronological odyssey into my research of sadomasochism and esoteric eroticism from the past up until today.
It took forever, but my book is finally available—either as a printed paperback or a downloadable PDF. Watch the trailer on the left!
Dear unknown friend, to access the adult-rated material you must create a free account and log in. This is due to social media and their algorithms. Sorry for the inconvenience.
FIRST PARADOX
BEING AND DOING
SECOND PARADOX
SELF-SACRIFICE
AND SELFISHNESS
THIRD PARADOX
SELFISHNESS AND
HOLDING SPACE
FOURTH PARADOX
UNITY AND POLARITY
FIFTH PARADOX
SYMBOLS AND REALITY
FIRST RITUAL
SUBMISSION
SECOND RITUAL
DEVOTION
THIRD RITUAL
REJECTION
FOURTH RITUAL
DESIRE
FIFTH RITUAL
DEATH
“M”
Rituals and paradoxes- the intimacy of belonging in sadomasochism and esoteric eroticism by Andy Buru.
“Take my hand, follow me, be not scared, I got you”
“You do not need another guru, do not follow the man with a beard”- the words echoe in my mind when I start reading “Ritual and paradoxes- the intimacy of belonging in sadomasochism and esoteric eroticism” by Andy Buru, professional Japanese rope bondage practionner/teacher: besides almost being named guru, he indubitably takes a position of authority by publishing himself, and considering the subject matter and that I do in fact have some first hand experience of Andy (double-entendre intended) – should I not be a bit scared and keep distance?
Drawing from his extensive experience as teacher, body worker and personal life, Andy approaches the subject through a set of paradoxes that are defining sadomasochism, or “eroticization of pain and power”. These paradoxes create polarities which sadomasochism explores through careful and compassionate play with the inherent tensions that varies between individuals and the power dynamics of ”dominant/submissive”. The resulting book, a solid block of nearly 500 pages, reaches however far beyond an introduction into bdsm, a guidebook, or a collection of personal reflections.
Instead, the aim is to bring attention on esoteric qualities of sadomasochism, as in the ritualization of sexuality towards enlightenment or union with God/Divine. Sadomasochism, with its inherent polarities, has according to the author a high potentiality to address deeper needs usually associated with spirituality, such as belonging, submission, self-sacrifice, and devotion, which according to the narrative are not promoted in our pleasure-seeking western societies (“joy joy lala land”) that mostly focus on achievement and selfishness, on “doing”. The sadomasochism that Andy presents and cultivates provide thus as a contrast a safe playground to discover or further dive into meaningful and transformational states of being.
So what am I holding in my hands? First of all I cannot hinder to be seduced by the format and structure. After all, the presentation is significant when your topic is rituals, and the writing project in itself is introduced as mystic for the author: a compact volume beautifully segmented all in black and white by the paradoxes that define sadomasochism, visually chaptering the thought in numbered lemmas/verses, accompanying poetic lines followed by a clear, straightforward prose, occasionally punctuated by Andy Buru’s warm humour, at the rhythm of sneak peaks into his very intimate (at times thick and sick) diary. Abstract concepts are both cleverly illustrated and made tangible through illustrations and a selection of tastefully curated photographies taken by the author himself during his sessions, seducing with their raw beauty and display authentic vulnerability.
“Rituals and Paradoxes” is a companion to anyone’s own paths of self-/collective exploration- practical or intellectual. Andy Buru acts as a Virgilius, not taking down seven levels of hell as one might associate sadomasochism to, but truly accompanying the reader on a journey. His written edifice is a temple where the dark meanders of eros find light and love, in which the paradoxes are pillars and a room for rituals are formed/performed, and where the self is absorbed in the community. Pushing the comparison further, one might find that the fragments of experience that Andy Buru shares, at moment heavy and intense as incense, are counterparts of the vibrant paintings hanging in the side-choirs of a baroque church. (The dramatic lives of saints and martyrs, full of suffering and self-sacrifice, are after all early tangents to the world of bdsm).
The Reading of “Rituals and Paradoxes” could be an invitation into a sacred place with many shrines and as such be decisive or it may stay at the level of a mere tour, an exotic sight-seeing of deviancy and perversion, depending on maturity and receptiveness of the reader. One anecdote from the book (or should I qualify it as a votive picture in adoration for the Japanese culture and to which the author is so indebted?) may provide some evidence of the author’s expectations on the reader: a flower arrangement school in Japan, where everyone gets the degree, but you would, by paying proper attention, be aware of if you actually got to the deeper sense or not.
I think that the strength of the book comes from this sensible approach, where the mystery, despite being unfold for us and made available in words, by the end of the day needs to be “felt” as well, or to paraphrase the first paradox, “to be”. Regardless of your previous experience in bdsm or more generally within sex, or your degree of self-knowledge, the book has nonetheless something essential to offer as an invitation to discover or further explore the vast inner universe that is yourself and your sexuality, but also, by making you sensible to the esoteric dimensions involved in bdsm and thus to elevate your practice to a profoundly metaphysical act.
Yes, Andy, maybe I will take your hand, and follow you, I am not scared, you got me.
Yesterdays News
GRAPEVINE
TALKS
Playlist of the year 2025
The Intimate Life of Andy in 2025
Agenda 2026: April to July
fetishization of passivity — a workshop
Another muse on collective suffering
Thank you for collectively suffering with me at Xplore Berlin 2025
Why Xplore intrigues me
Summer of Ceremony
Summer and Autumn; challenging the status quo
