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Author: andyburu

My Ikebana Teacher (2023)

…another collection of flowers wrapped in more newspaper and the same paper with the same instructions. I soon realise that I learn more from how my teacher greets me in the morning and brews tea than from her instructions about cutting leaves, shaping branches and picking flowers. There is a way of being, being taught, by being.

Men tying men (2023)

…and then they get to tie each other. If I have their consent, I like them to switch partners and roles. Circularly and ceremonially, moving from man to man, sometimes even with their eyes closed, to embrace each meeting as a wave of the ocean. And keeping the experience about themselves rather than forming a relationship. Some laugh and cry, others moan and blush, and some feel nothing. And that is just as it should be.

Interview with Eesti Nainee (2023)

Woman Magazine Eesti Nainee: …many men who come to my retreats are performance-oriented towards external success. They must have a good job, an expensive car, a nice house and a beautiful, well-groomed woman so that others can see the man’s success. But often they don’t know at all what they like. If such a man is deliberately taught how to consciously and consensually dominate, he can focus on his needs, which can be a healing experience.

Gallery: Why only black and white? (2023)

Why black and white only? Because it creates a dream-like abstraction from reality. That is already there in my play. The sadomasochistic power game we play is not real because it’s conscious and consensual. And once it ends, we are back to the status quo. But we allow ourselves to fall in love with the question; what if this was forever?

Rituals and Paradoxes, my book project (2023)

2023 is here. And I’m starting the year off in solitude in the Japanese mountains outside Osaka. I aim to work on my book project while walking the woods, relaxing in the hot springs, and learning my new camera. Here is what I know so far. The working title is Rituals and Paradoxes, which will be roughly 400 coffee table-sized pages. So it’s totally a tome. The bulk describes five paradoxes I’ve encountered during my twenty years of exploring sadomasochism and esoteric eroticism.

Being and Doing
Self-sacrifice and Letting go
Selfishness and Holding space
Polarity and Unity
Reality and Symbols

The Downfall of Horniness (2022)

So I think a key to dominance in a sadomasochistic play is being the one less needy for sex. Sometimes I joke that when meeting a new play partner, she will have to beg desperately on her knees before I would fuck her. And if the power more turns me on than the sex, I’ll probably enjoy denying her even more. So the sadomasochistic play is a game of eros. Of course, it works almost the same with a non-man playing the dominant role, but they can usually satisfy their need in many ways without allowing the man to actually fuck. And most heteronormative men only know one way to pleasure themselves when a woman is around, which is the penis in the pussy sex. Then, of course, some people practice play without involving the eros, so this doesn’t apply to everyone. But when I meet a new submissive play partner, she realises she is probably the more desperate one, and then she often loses everything.

Gallery: Point of Surrender Winter (2022)

Currently busy with my book project, there is something that I often think about—the relationship between surrender and connection. However, while writing, I realize that I dislike the term connection. It’s so vague. Instead, I think intimacy is the thing. Or maybe trust. The next Point of Surrender is in May. Maybe I’ll see you there.

Yearly Playlist (2022)

Remember that particular song for a festival or retreat? The one that made that exercise so extraordinary. I’m often asked for music and playlists, and almost always, I’m actually DJ:ing while teaching, so there is no one playlist. However, here is a yearly mix of what I liked and played for the past months. Enjoy.

Point of Surrender for the newly-in-love, busy-with-life and fun-before-death (2022)

Two more weeks until the sixth edition of the Point of Surrender, the five-day couples retreat I do with Lin Holmqvist, “Where BDSM meets Tantra”, is one point of surrender. Every time we make this retreat, I realize that Tantra and BDSM become more and more of a modality to understanding the dynamics of a relationship. So ceremonially scaling down the noise of the surrounding everyday life makes space to experience the many seedlings that continuously grow into the foundation of a relationship. And that making of space, of silence, and sharing it with other like-minded has given birth to some of the most touching expressions of love I’ve ever experienced. And also some of the saddest realizations about what a relationship really is. But that, I guess, is the nature of things.

Gallery: In Krakow (2022)

Another photo shoot from my travels. This time in Krakow, Poland, and an old industrial building turned into an art space for dance and aerial performances. Photos by

Gallery: Silent woods (2022)

Recently my musing has become much more silent. The reason is that I’m working on a book by putting my thought process from the last five years into a single narrative and combining that with some personal stories. It will probably take a year; meanwhile, I’ll try to post more pictures—this time from the autumn woods in Austria.

Things to know about trauma when tying ropes (2022)

Perceiving trauma as a protection mechanism, I think, helps. Someone had a shocking experience and is trying to avoid it again. And it makes sense; however, our nervous system doesn’t know if the circumstances change. Simply the difference between a kid being forcefully wrapped in a blanket until it’s impossible to breathe compared to an adult being consciously and consensually tied up with ropes. So feeling panic and a need to escape when wrapped tightly makes sense for some people, while others just feel hugged and held.