There is me, Toy and Slut. Kind of a threesome. Slut is to be locked in the leather gimp suit. The kind that folds the arms and legs together, leaving the cute sweaty interior flesh crawling on knees and elbows with their exposed anus in the air. There is something perversely objectifying about locking a living skin inside an inanimate one. Lifeless but tenderly cared for and then recrafted for one particular purpose only. I have cured raw hides in nature using ashes from the bonfire and the animal’s own brain. So I know how much work it is. And how it smells. How hard it is to wash the filthy stench off my fingers afterwards. But this gimp suit is of beautiful soft but heavy, shiny leather. Oh, so close to perfection and far from death in the woods. After the scene, Slut will be cleaning her inanimate skin. Washing her salty destructive body fluids away and gently massaging new fat into the leather, restoring it to perfection. But first things first, Toy and I must smell Slut. It’s an essential part of the ritual. Her blond hair, neck, hairy armpits, and shaved genitals. Ensuring that she is worthy of the transformation into her new beautiful self.
Then, soap, warm water and small towels are carried into the room. I slowly wash her body inch by inch. Toy watches from the sofa; her feline body moves curiously. Once clean, Slut is instructed to show off her body. She dances and poses; maybe she is trying to seduce us, to delay the transformation. Oh, these tantric yoga girls, I don’t know if they even enjoy playing these kinds of games. But I do. Her efforts make me horny, so I keep kissing Toy, who happily crawls into my lap. Her feline grace also seems excited, like a cat ready to pounce. She is complementing Slut, witnessing her until she blushes. We can see Slut’s confidence grow. So it’s time. We strap Slut into the leather gimp suit, pulling it tighter and tighter. I put a vibrator on a randomised timer between her legs, short enough so that she can’t climax. Instead, her body heat radiates into her new skin, moulding it around her body, making it come to life once again. I wonder if the restrictive and objectifying leather uses Slut to participate in our threesome because Slut is no longer there. My thoughts are interrupted by Toy pushing my dick deep into her throat. But Slut is no longer here as we make love with the black living leather.
It took forever, but my book is finally available—either as a printed paperback or a downloadable PDF. Watch the trailer on the left!
Dear unknown friend, to access the adult-rated material you must create a free account and log in. This is due to social media and their algorithms. Sorry for the inconvenience.
Rituals and paradoxes- the intimacy of belonging in sadomasochism and esoteric eroticism by Andy Buru.
“Take my hand, follow me, be not scared, I got you”
“You do not need another guru, do not follow the man with a beard”- the words echoe in my mind when I start reading “Ritual and paradoxes- the intimacy of belonging in sadomasochism and esoteric eroticism” by Andy Buru, professional Japanese rope bondage practionner/teacher: besides almost being named guru, he indubitably takes a position of authority by publishing himself, and considering the subject matter and that I do in fact have some first hand experience of Andy (double-entendre intended) – should I not be a bit scared and keep distance?
Drawing from his extensive experience as teacher, body worker and personal life, Andy approaches the subject through a set of paradoxes that are defining sadomasochism, or “eroticization of pain and power”. These paradoxes create polarities which sadomasochism explores through careful and compassionate play with the inherent tensions that varies between individuals and the power dynamics of ”dominant/submissive”. The resulting book, a solid block of nearly 500 pages, reaches however far beyond an introduction into bdsm, a guidebook, or a collection of personal reflections.
Instead, the aim is to bring attention on esoteric qualities of sadomasochism, as in the ritualization of sexuality towards enlightenment or union with God/Divine. Sadomasochism, with its inherent polarities, has according to the author a high potentiality to address deeper needs usually associated with spirituality, such as belonging, submission, self-sacrifice, and devotion, which according to the narrative are not promoted in our pleasure-seeking western societies (“joy joy lala land”) that mostly focus on achievement and selfishness, on “doing”. The sadomasochism that Andy presents and cultivates provide thus as a contrast a safe playground to discover or further dive into meaningful and transformational states of being.
So what am I holding in my hands? First of all I cannot hinder to be seduced by the format and structure. After all, the presentation is significant when your topic is rituals, and the writing project in itself is introduced as mystic for the author: a compact volume beautifully segmented all in black and white by the paradoxes that define sadomasochism, visually chaptering the thought in numbered lemmas/verses, accompanying poetic lines followed by a clear, straightforward prose, occasionally punctuated by Andy Buru’s warm humour, at the rhythm of sneak peaks into his very intimate (at times thick and sick) diary. Abstract concepts are both cleverly illustrated and made tangible through illustrations and a selection of tastefully curated photographies taken by the author himself during his sessions, seducing with their raw beauty and display authentic vulnerability.
“Rituals and Paradoxes” is a companion to anyone’s own paths of self-/collective exploration- practical or intellectual. Andy Buru acts as a Virgilius, not taking down seven levels of hell as one might associate sadomasochism to, but truly accompanying the reader on a journey. His written edifice is a temple where the dark meanders of eros find light and love, in which the paradoxes are pillars and a room for rituals are formed/performed, and where the self is absorbed in the community. Pushing the comparison further, one might find that the fragments of experience that Andy Buru shares, at moment heavy and intense as incense, are counterparts of the vibrant paintings hanging in the side-choirs of a baroque church. (The dramatic lives of saints and martyrs, full of suffering and self-sacrifice, are after all early tangents to the world of bdsm).
The Reading of “Rituals and Paradoxes” could be an invitation into a sacred place with many shrines and as such be decisive or it may stay at the level of a mere tour, an exotic sight-seeing of deviancy and perversion, depending on maturity and receptiveness of the reader. One anecdote from the book (or should I qualify it as a votive picture in adoration for the Japanese culture and to which the author is so indebted?) may provide some evidence of the author’s expectations on the reader: a flower arrangement school in Japan, where everyone gets the degree, but you would, by paying proper attention, be aware of if you actually got to the deeper sense or not.
I think that the strength of the book comes from this sensible approach, where the mystery, despite being unfold for us and made available in words, by the end of the day needs to be “felt” as well, or to paraphrase the first paradox, “to be”. Regardless of your previous experience in bdsm or more generally within sex, or your degree of self-knowledge, the book has nonetheless something essential to offer as an invitation to discover or further explore the vast inner universe that is yourself and your sexuality, but also, by making you sensible to the esoteric dimensions involved in bdsm and thus to elevate your practice to a profoundly metaphysical act.
Yes, Andy, maybe I will take your hand, and follow you, I am not scared, you got me.
Rituals and paradoxes is an adult-rated linear but non-chronological odyssey into my research of sadomasochism and esoteric eroticism up to today. To keep social media and its algorithms happy, you need to sign up to access it. If you prefer listening along, you can also find it on Spotify.
It’s also my five year long writing project, it was in large rewritten in 2023 together with my friend and editor Steve K from Tea and Touch, and the graphics are made by talented artist Inga Tsernova.
As I want this knowledge to spread, the written material is licensed under Creative Commons BY 4.0 that means that you, my dear reader, are welcomed to copy and make it your own. If you follow two rules.
Attribution means that you must give appropriate credit to me as the source, provide a link to the license, and indicate any changes that you made. It can be as simple as “I learnt this from Andy, check out this web-page for the original.”
Non-endorsement means that you don’t claim to be an official teacher or facilitator of some kind of “Andy style”. I’ve been asked to teach facilitation and trauma informed bodywork but I don’t.
However, all non-written material is copyrighted and may not be copied.
If you want to support my work, the best is to participate in a retreat that pays my bills. Or send me a one-time donation via PayPal or monthly donation via Patreon.
