The ocean is a symbol of life and motion. The depths can swallow me, and the waves can crush me. It is unpredictable and alluring. Temping me to let go. There is an ocean inside of me and an endless amount of unreleased potential. I’m 80% water. What would happen if I released its uncontrollable flow? Creative or destructive? Awesome or awful? Or both at the same time? Ultimately they are the same things. I have learnt to control my flow and to accept and respect the structures around me. I know that I can’t be a tsunami and destroy structures. I’m a pack animal, I must synergize with others for the greater good of society. But what exactly is the greater good? Civilization provides us with structure and predictability, helping us to move from being wildlings to civilians. I’m constantly balancing control and freedom, like a human-made dam taming the river inside and harvesting its power.
How much do I limit my flow due to the fear of being too much? Because I fear the dam will break, my ship will sink, and I will return to the wilderness. Leave civilization behind, losing the divine knowledge I have gained through the universities. Exiled.
To be civil is to know, to will, to do. To be wild is to trust, to be. Uncontrolled and free. Civilization provides an illusion of freedom, like a butterfly inside a glass cup. If I submit, I can be as wild as I like inside the transparent walls. Civilisation, society, capitalism, religion and all the structures are projections of a battle already raging inside me. My self-made glass bubble is the most restrictive.
Taming The Ocean
Sadomasochism opens up another stage to act out this drama of life. The offerings are different for my submissive and my dominant personas. As the submissive, I get another kind of glass bauble, where I can abandon aspirations for civilization and be wild and free without any fear of being crushed or drowned. I am no longer the captain of my ship. I become the river flowing wild without any care in the world about the dam of civilization. However, this freedom is still an illusion because what I left behind is now picked up by the dominant.
As a dominant, I can own an ocean droplet inside my bubble. With the tension of bondage and the power of pain, I can build my dominance stronger and stronger, marvelling at the wild display of force under my control. Anyone who thinks that a submissive is weak is mistaken, and any dominant who wants to put their submissive down is actually afraid of them. The goal is to fuel and direct their power, not diminish it.
There is also a game of seduction going on. The ocean is continuously tempting its captain into the darkest depths. To let go of control and experience the power of nature first-hand, in their own body, through their own senses, to no longer uphold the structure of civilization against the wilderness of nature. If the temptation is too great, however, both may tumble into the wild, leading to a hedonistic release.
Many fear this power, and civilization tries to tame the wilderness to make it predictable and profitable while building knowledge. To be civil is to know. When my sadomasochism is at its deepest, we experience trust and presence, but not knowledge or predictability. We continue to discover how much power we can hold within the glass walls, with my dominant and submissive selves vying for control. With both sides present, we get drunk on the power, like a bumblebee on nectar.
