An audience of maybe fifty people sits in a circle around the small stage. They are dressed in black and wear white masks. She is dressed in a white nightgown, arms stretched out like a cross. In each hand, a heavy red candle burning. They shiver slightly from exhaustion, but she is strong. I gesture for her to tilt her hand, and a heavy drop of wax falls slowly towards the stage floor. It hits, and I whip her hard. Immediately a red welt rises on the back of her buttcheek. She cries out into the silent space.
These are the rules of the game. Now she and the audience know it. Next, a crystal bowl of medical gloves is carried out. There is a handwritten note. “You may touch her, hurt her and use her however you want. Only with your hands wearing gloves. And you must keep eye contact with her at all times.”
A man, anonymous behind his white mask, picks up a pair of gloves, puts them on and walks up the stage. But stops as they make eye contact. She looks desperate. Helpless. Imploring him with her eyes. For what, he doesn’t know. He hesitates and sits down again.
She looks out over the audience. Looking for eye contact. Begging. Another man puts on another pair of gloves. Walks up to her and touches her young beautiful blossoming breasts. She doesn’t react at all. His hands move towards her sex, his fingers penetrating her. But she just looks at him. He is not worthy of her pleasure, not even in this desperate situation. So he backs off and sits down again.
Next, a woman stands up and pulls on the gloves. I know that they know each other. At first, the woman places a finger under one of her outstretched arms as gentle support. But then, while a sadistic grin widens, she instead flips her hand over and presses downward upon the outstretched arm whose muscles are twitching in a desperate struggle to hold still. She does not want to get whipped again, the welt is still burning red hot on her skin. And she is strong, tears in her eyes. Moments pass as a lifetime. Finally, the woman leans in and kisses her with compassion.
An old wall clock shows that our time is almost up. The crystal bowl is carried away. And the candles, blown out. She is sweating, shaking, and probably high from the experience. Our eyes meet, and I ask her to count from one to ten. She knows what is coming, that she didn’t fail. No drop of red wax on the floor other than the first. Determined, she counts. One. A cruel lash from the whip hits her. Two. Another lash. Three. People watch in awe from the safety behind their white masks.
It took forever, but my book is finally available—either as a printed paperback or a downloadable PDF. Watch the trailer on the left!
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This book changed my life. A collection of Andy’s reflections, instruction, photography diaries, stories and lived experiences, it’s a patchwork quilt masterpiece constructed with beautiful, calm, honest prose – yet sharp and questioning, on the paradoxes one encounters in sadomasochistic practice but may not have interrogated fully before. Also his teaching manifesto, complete with practical steps for his core rituals.
To me, Rituals & Paradoxes is the very essence of Andy’s teaching but also a gift; upon reading personally, it changed my life by not only giving me the language and conceptual framework to reorientate and redefine my own expression of sexuality and sadomasochistic practice, but also through gifting me a new view of this world through Andy’s eyes. For a long time I felt like I had hit a barrier in my play. I now realise I was stuck in modalities. Now I know what I want, that it’s ok for desires and practices to contradict themselves, that paradoxes are welcome and navigating them is all part of the fun. Besides, Andy’s lens on it all invites you to share in an artist’s heart.
Buy this book if you’ve found yourself questioning ‘why’, ‘what’ and ‘how’ in your play and partner relationships. If you’ve found yourself falling through these paradoxes Andy examines. Whether you’ve completed a ritual of his before or not, discover these same rituals, or their variations, within different contexts. Regardless, buy this book for the beauty overflowing from its pages; the ache of emotion, the rapture of pleasure and the luscious nature of pain. It’s all here, in your very hands.
“M”
Rituals and paradoxes- the intimacy of belonging in sadomasochism and esoteric eroticism by Andy Buru.
“Take my hand, follow me, be not scared, I got you”
“You do not need another guru, do not follow the man with a beard”- the words echoe in my mind when I start reading “Ritual and paradoxes- the intimacy of belonging in sadomasochism and esoteric eroticism” by Andy Buru, professional Japanese rope bondage practionner/teacher: besides almost being named guru, he indubitably takes a position of authority by publishing himself, and considering the subject matter and that I do in fact have some first hand experience of Andy (double-entendre intended) – should I not be a bit scared and keep distance?
Drawing from his extensive experience as teacher, body worker and personal life, Andy approaches the subject through a set of paradoxes that are defining sadomasochism, or “eroticization of pain and power”. These paradoxes create polarities which sadomasochism explores through careful and compassionate play with the inherent tensions that varies between individuals and the power dynamics of ”dominant/submissive”. The resulting book, a solid block of nearly 500 pages, reaches however far beyond an introduction into bdsm, a guidebook, or a collection of personal reflections.
Instead, the aim is to bring attention on esoteric qualities of sadomasochism, as in the ritualization of sexuality towards enlightenment or union with God/Divine. Sadomasochism, with its inherent polarities, has according to the author a high potentiality to address deeper needs usually associated with spirituality, such as belonging, submission, self-sacrifice, and devotion, which according to the narrative are not promoted in our pleasure-seeking western societies (“joy joy lala land”) that mostly focus on achievement and selfishness, on “doing”. The sadomasochism that Andy presents and cultivates provide thus as a contrast a safe playground to discover or further dive into meaningful and transformational states of being.
So what am I holding in my hands? First of all I cannot hinder to be seduced by the format and structure. After all, the presentation is significant when your topic is rituals, and the writing project in itself is introduced as mystic for the author: a compact volume beautifully segmented all in black and white by the paradoxes that define sadomasochism, visually chaptering the thought in numbered lemmas/verses, accompanying poetic lines followed by a clear, straightforward prose, occasionally punctuated by Andy Buru’s warm humour, at the rhythm of sneak peaks into his very intimate (at times thick and sick) diary. Abstract concepts are both cleverly illustrated and made tangible through illustrations and a selection of tastefully curated photographies taken by the author himself during his sessions, seducing with their raw beauty and display authentic vulnerability.
“Rituals and Paradoxes” is a companion to anyone’s own paths of self-/collective exploration- practical or intellectual. Andy Buru acts as a Virgilius, not taking down seven levels of hell as one might associate sadomasochism to, but truly accompanying the reader on a journey. His written edifice is a temple where the dark meanders of eros find light and love, in which the paradoxes are pillars and a room for rituals are formed/performed, and where the self is absorbed in the community. Pushing the comparison further, one might find that the fragments of experience that Andy Buru shares, at moment heavy and intense as incense, are counterparts of the vibrant paintings hanging in the side-choirs of a baroque church. (The dramatic lives of saints and martyrs, full of suffering and self-sacrifice, are after all early tangents to the world of bdsm).
The Reading of “Rituals and Paradoxes” could be an invitation into a sacred place with many shrines and as such be decisive or it may stay at the level of a mere tour, an exotic sight-seeing of deviancy and perversion, depending on maturity and receptiveness of the reader. One anecdote from the book (or should I qualify it as a votive picture in adoration for the Japanese culture and to which the author is so indebted?) may provide some evidence of the author’s expectations on the reader: a flower arrangement school in Japan, where everyone gets the degree, but you would, by paying proper attention, be aware of if you actually got to the deeper sense or not.
I think that the strength of the book comes from this sensible approach, where the mystery, despite being unfold for us and made available in words, by the end of the day needs to be “felt” as well, or to paraphrase the first paradox, “to be”. Regardless of your previous experience in bdsm or more generally within sex, or your degree of self-knowledge, the book has nonetheless something essential to offer as an invitation to discover or further explore the vast inner universe that is yourself and your sexuality, but also, by making you sensible to the esoteric dimensions involved in bdsm and thus to elevate your practice to a profoundly metaphysical act.
Yes, Andy, maybe I will take your hand, and follow you, I am not scared, you got me.
Rituals and paradoxes is an adult-rated linear but non-chronological odyssey into my research of sadomasochism and esoteric eroticism up to today. To keep social media and its algorithms happy, you need to sign up to access it. If you prefer listening along, you can also find it on Spotify.
It’s also my five year long writing project, it was in large rewritten in 2023 together with my friend and editor Steve K from Tea and Touch, and the graphics are made by talented artist Inga Tsernova.
As I want this knowledge to spread, the written material is licensed under Creative Commons BY 4.0 that means that you, my dear reader, are welcomed to copy and make it your own. If you follow two rules.
Attribution means that you must give appropriate credit to me as the source, provide a link to the license, and indicate any changes that you made. It can be as simple as “I learnt this from Andy, check out this web-page for the original.”
Non-endorsement means that you don’t claim to be an official teacher or facilitator of some kind of “Andy style”. I’ve been asked to teach facilitation and trauma informed bodywork but I don’t.
However, all non-written material is copyrighted and may not be copied.
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