For some reason, some people are turned on by violence and degradation, and I believe that the most empowering thing we can do is create a community and knowledge, so people can choose how to live their lives. Maybe in a hundred years, when patriarchal values are balanced with matriarchal values, and gender no longer is a thing to debate, then perhaps BDSM won’t be a thing. Or we will all be kinky as hell. But meanwhile, saying that women cannot consent to their desires only replaces one oppressive system with another. And that is not feminism in my eyes.
It’s more and more common for me to encounter people shocked by BDSM imagery. Lately when the Swedish gallery Fotografiska posted a self-portrait of a thirty-year-old Chinese photographer in rope bondage. People on social media were outraged; they thought he was a child, in pain, or didn’t consent to his own selfie picture. After asking people why they are so affected by the image, it often came down to power.
“BDSM FOR BEGINNERS
In this weeks episode I connect with the teacher and bodyworker Andy Buru for a conversation about conscious kink and BDSM. Andy is teaching European and Japanese rope bondage with the intention to create magical rooms where people can rest, heal and grow. What is it with powerplay that awakens the curiosity and arousal of so many?
Andy invites us for a philosophical approach to BDSM where presence and pleasure is the north star.
In this conversation you will hear us talk about:
• How to build the trust to play safely
• How to talk about consent and fantasies
• Why polarity and powerplay is a way to increase arousal
• How to explore your boundaries when you’re new to BDSM”
Hello Andy, good afternoon, you have been coming up more and more, on my newsfeed etc., and I had this understanding, how your work plays a big metaphorical part right now in where we are. Collectively. With COVID. With understanding the magic in sometimes being bound in something. And allowing the acceptance and surrender, of being bound in something, can actually create freedom and opportunity for different kinds of movement, though surrender. I saw the amazing rope thing you did with that guy, yeah just wondering if there is a piece of art or inspiration around, COVID, surrender, being bound by something, but actually still managing to find freedom within that. Within the self, the expression of self, somehow.
“You helped me see my skeleton woman and I’m so fucking grateful for that. I was so bored with everyone around trying to make a good impression on me. So scared of what happens if I didn’t impress someone. If I didn’t make others need me and let go of my need to desperately hold on.
You were doing the strangest thing truly not giving a fuck how did it make me see you. All out of nowhere I just wanted to trust you so badly. I was so inspired and turned on by this. Not by you or what you did but just by this attitude.
Now I feel like I can fall in the rabbit hole of complete delirium but as long as I’m passionate it will carry me on like a parachute and so I can hold on to the ones I care about with open arms. I don’t have to be scared any more cause I see in the darkness how all the insanity can glow lighting up a path and make all the sense there is.”
Hollywood is kidnapping the word love. They are using it to sell romantic comedies and reality shows. You know the Disney princess that marries the prince and lives happily ever after. There is a kinky roleplay scenario for this because it is a fantasy and not reality. Love is something else. I want to present a very orthodox Christian view on love. To give without expecting anything in return – to give without symmetry – how a parent provides for its child. Of course, they get something in return, but it is something different, something asymmetrical.
“Andy is an avid writer, researcher and teacher of his topic and frames the subject of BDSM, rope bondage and power play with a very philosophical approach.
Engaging with our primal essence and integrating it so we can work with it and not against it can be a challenge, but through the channels of power play and BDSM we can learn a lot about ourselves, create space to safely play with our wild side and create containers to hold the full spectrum of our humanity.”
Well, this summer was a bit of a COVID-bummer but at least I spent two weeks at Ängsbacka teaching the things I love. Here are some of the songs that I used.
I wrote this a few years ago as an attempt to understand myself. It started with my participation in the 2018 European Men’s Gathering provoking my belief that what I have learned about masculinity through BDSM is of great value. I like the analogy that BDSM is a predator living inside of me. At first, I was trying to hide from its existence. Later it tempted me into exploring my sexual perversion. And now I’m riding the beast that once scared me. At least well enough to share my story.
Writing this week’s musing is an ambiguous task. Since I’m in the teaching crew of the European Men’s Gathering, I sometimes join discussions on the Maniphesto email list. Recently someone asked – What is the impact of male sexuality on society?
This is a podcast in Swedish from last summer where we talk about the relationship about tantra and BDSM, and the space in-between.
Being alone for a long time opens up space for thinking. Here is a musing from my isolation in Japan.
I was interview by the Swedish pod Relationsverket about embodiment, trust, and polarity in relationships.
Fay was one of the participants at the Art of Submission whom got triggered and she was generous enough to share her story, and what for her made the difference between a good and a bad experience. And I think it puts the finger on what for me is a good bold workshop. This is her story.
I made a new friend among the 950 participants of the Ängsbacka Tantrafestival last week. He participated in three of my workshop in felt touched by the depth and sadness of my work, so we decided to sit down for an interview.
We cover topics about masculinity and vulnerability, the role of sexuality in modern society, trauma and tension, and much much more. I can deeply recommend it, if you want to get to know me deeper.
I will teach the following five retreats during the autumn 2019.